Let Their Words Do the Talking

Verbal cues to detect deception.

He's a Frog, Stupid!

Choose a man like you shop for a dress

He's a Frog, Stupid!

Women say they want sensitive, emotionally attentive men, yet they choose guys who are six payments behind on their Harleys and spend the greater part of their days trying to find space for their next tattoo or explore extraneous body parts to pierce. These relationships are not headed for the altar; they are previews for the Jerry Springer Show. Even more perplexing is when a woman obtains the affection of a jerk, she then tries to transform the jerk into a sensitive, emotionally attentive man. This behavior is illogical. It makes no sense to go to a junkyard, buy a clunker, and then spend the rest of your life trying to transform the clunker into a new car. This behavior is like a bunny chasing an alligator. The alligator will forever remain an alligator and one day he will turn around and eat the bunny because this is the nature of alligators. Don't blame the alligator for being an alligator. If you are a bunny chasing an alligator at least have the common sense to put on an alligator suit. Better yet, stop chasing alligators.

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Fairy tales may contribute to women's strange dating behavior. In the story of the frog and the prince, a princess kissed a frog and the frog magically turned into a prince. Ladies, this is only a fairy tale. This is not real life. If a woman's kiss has the power to turn a frog into a prince, then logically a woman's kiss has the power to turn a prince into a frog. This is not the case. When the princess fell in love with the frog and kissed him, she fell in love with a frog not a prince. It would stand to reason that the princess would abhor the prince because he is no longer the creature with whom she fell in love, a love sufficient to justify a kiss. In the end, it was not a frog the princess desired; she wanted a prince. If this were the case, then why didn't the princess go to a castle to meet a prince instead of going to a swamp with the unlikely probability of finding a prince wearing a frog suit?

Perhaps love is the answer. In the fairy tale beauty and the beast, the beauty fell in love with the beast after discovering his better qualities. News flash - serial killers are nice when they are not killing people. A woman's love, no matter how deep, does not have the power to reform serial killers. Nor does a woman's love have the power to transform jerks into sensitive, emotionally attentive men. Love is not a feeling. Love is action. The emotional feelings associated with love are the byproduct of the way in which you behave toward the person you love and the way in which the person you love behaves toward you. If love had the power to change people, then why do people cheat on their spouses?; Why do children grow up to be criminals?; and Why do friends betray one another?
Women often remark that nice guys are boring. Ladies, if you want excitement, go skydiving. Do not confuse excitement with love. Another common remark is that women often feel unworthy of being with nice guys. This is crazy talk. If you feel unworthy of being with a nice guy, then you should experience ecstasy when you are with a jerk, not depression, which is often the case because you really think you deserve a sensitive, emotionally attentive man.

The answer is simple. Choose a man like you shop for a dress. If you want to buy a formal dress, you would go to upscale stores not thrift shops. Shopping for a formal dress could take up to several months. Each dress is painstakingly examined for size, fit, color, workmanship, and coordination with accessories. After rejecting scores of dresses, you make your selection. The long search is worth the effort because in the end the dress is a perfect fit for you and only you. Don't spend more time shopping for a dress than you do shopping for the right man. A dress is for one night; the right man is for a lifetime commitment and good days together, forever.

 

 

John R. "Jack" Schafer, Ph.D., earned his degree in psychology from Fielding Graduate University, Santa Barbara, California and served as a behavioral analyst for the FBI.

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