Learning to Breathe

Wow! I'm so glad you wrote this. Much of what you express I have been experiencing too. Mental illness, abuse, neglect, physical health problems abound in my family and appears very prevalent in my hometown. I sought out counseling, also physical rehabilitation and am happier than probably anyone else I know. I notice as I became more content, learned to set boundaries and refuse to allow others to abuse me that those around me deemed me as being selfish despite my psychologist telling me to break all ties with the abusers in family and not get into another relationship that repeated the abuse. I often notice myself smiling in town and see glares from others as if to say "how dare anyone be happy!". What is the answer to this? I have no clue. I just don't want to be miserable, abused and unhappy so call me selfish if you must!

But I wish the term "selfish" was not tossed around so much. It's a word that needs to be rehabilitated. Your article clearly points out the value and interest all of us have in our own happiness. Yet the word "selfish" is still being used as synonym for evil. It would be so helpful if we could somehow reverse the sense that there is something morally wrong about placing oneself first. In its place, we could cultivate the notion that taking care of oneself while practicing basic courtesy towards others is a way to promote a healthy psyche. It seems that we are, in fact, concerned for our own well-being as a natural condition of being alive. Adding a layer of guilt on this natural mode creates useless inner conflict. Here's to happiness!!