Laugh, Cry, Live

Pondering the emotional side of life, beginning to end.

by Deborah L. Davis, Ph.D.

Realistic Advice for the New Graduate

The typical commencement speaker attempts to inspire new graduates with platitudes. ”Life is bowl of cherries.” “Reach for the stars.” “Go forth and change the world!” Not helpful. So as an antidote, here are a dozen pieces of down-to-earth advice on how to ward off stress, seek fulfillment, and fly after graduation. Read More

DSM-5 and Bereavement Care

While the impassioned position of “don’t pathologize our grief” has merit, and the urge to advocate for the entire community of bereaved persons is laudable, I propose that the real question is not "What is best for bereaved people?” but "What is best for this bereaved person sitting right here in front of me?" Read More

DSM-5 Controversy Rages On in the Bereavement Community

With normal grief, you can muster your coping skills and still function when necessary. Over time, you adjust and reengage with your life and the people around you. But what happens if you crawl into the cave of grief, and lose sight of the light at its entrance? What if you find yourself giving up in despair, stuck and perhaps falling deeper and deeper into the abyss? Read More

In Praise of "Boyfriends"—for Married Women

In The Secret Lives of Wives, author Iris Krasnow explores how boyfriends can be bright spots in a married woman’s life. The best boyfriends tickle your fancy and in turn are captivated by you. It’s super fun when there is flirting, witty banter, and physical affection. Boyfriends are also meant to be platonic, thereby rejuvenating you and bolstering your marriage. Read More

Crazy Like a (Perfectly Normal) Bereaved Parent: In Defense of Rick and Karen Santorum

Perinatal death is in the news again, as people react to the story about Rick and Karen Santorum keeping their dead newborn son with them until he was buried. And once again, there are those uninformed, horrified folks who question the Santorum’s sanity. Amy Kuebelbeck is my guest blogger, skillfully adding to my efforts to build bridges of understanding and sensitivity. Read More

Precious Photographs: An open letter to Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your precious baby daughter Jubilee Shalom. I saw the photograph of you holding her feet, so tiny yet so perfect. I’m sure you will treasure every photograph, especially the ones that illustrate your love for her. Your detractors simply can’t imagine what you’re going through- because the death of a baby is truly unimaginable. Read More

A Gift of Time

What would you do if your unborn baby was diagnosed with a fatal condition? Like many people, you may assume the only option is to terminate the pregnancy. But what if there was an alternative that was more compassionate and humane? And what if this alternative gave you the gift of time to lovingly care for your baby to the natural end of his or her precious little life? Read More

Learning More Than You Teach: The Mark of a True Master

“Who am I to tell a teacher who has dedicated 30 years to educating children in her own community how to run her classroom and, in part, her life? … honestly, I’m no one. So, just what am I a master of? … If anything, I’m a master of I don’t know. I don’t know but I can help you find out. I don’t know but if you will teach me, I can teach you too” .—Jared Jones, Ed.M. Read More

Lawsuit Over Photos of Dead Son: What Is It Really About?

A lawsuit has been filed on behalf of a bereaved mother who feels traumatized by photographs taken of her dead infant son. After she refused consent, an album of postmortem photographs arrived in the mail, and she was horrified to discover that her baby had been dressed, posed, and photographed without her knowledge. My heart goes out to her. But it’s not what you think. Read More

Optimism Is Your Best Medicine

Optimism is not a toy. It’s not meant to be invoked blindly, as an escape from reality, to make us feel better, or to avoid problems. Genuine optimism means staying grounded in the real world, sizing up situations accurately, facing problems, seeking solutions, and keeping perspective. Optimists play the hero in their own lives, which fosters resilience and recovery. Read More

Watching Life Unfold

I’ve always been fascinated by human development. What makes each of us tick? How do we grow, mature, and find our way through life? What determines the path each individual takes? What experiences tend to be transformative, and why? Read More