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Why Gay Marriage Frightens Some Men and Women

Me thinks the anti gay marriage men and women doth protest too much.

Me thinks the anti gay marriage men and women doth protest too much

Check out this video of Bill Donohue of the Catholic League on Piers Morgan.

I don't buy the religious reason for so many men and women vehemently protesting gay marriage. Underneath most anger and protest is fear. What is it that men and women who oppose gay marriage could be afraid of?

For men:

If you watch the video of Bill Donohue on Piers Morgan above, imagine his wife daring to tell him, "You're wrong, you're foolish, you're an embarrassment," which if she has a brain in her head, she's gotta think (unless she's been so brainwashed to "stand by her man").

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Most women want to feel cherished by men and want to admire, trust and respect men. And yet many men fail to cherish the woman in their life and fail to act in a way that is worthy of admiration, trust and respect. In the past, women who neither felt cherished nor able to admire, trust and respect men sucked it in and put a smile on their face, often living lives of quiet and lonely desperation.

For many years men could act this way and still get devotion from their women. However with women now saying, "No thanks, I deserve to have someone who cherishes me and who I can admire, trust and respect and if you're not going to be that person, I'm going to look for someone who can and will," men are on notice that they can no longer get their cake (devotion from women) and eat it too (still treat women poorly).

Sadly, men's identity is often tied to feeling in power and in control and when they now feel neither, it frightens them and is likely to bring out behavior that is more often entitled and not particularly loving. Men protest gay marriage between women because it implies that women are no longer willing to be submissive to people who don't treat them well. And the men who protest gay marriage between men are often acting out on their own "homophobia," namely that it makes them feel so uncomfortable that they have to see such unions as wrong.

For women:

Bitchy women who believe they are entitled to be catered to may resent men who similar to the women described above, feel they deserve to be treated better than these entitled women treat them and instead turn to men who do. On the other hand, submissive women who have drunk the kool aid of being in loveless and cherishless marriages and deny their misery, may want to resent women who have chosen not to put up with that, because these other women trigger enormous conflict and anxiety in the unloved women regarding why they are putting up with lives of lonely desperation.

The solution: The Golden Rule on Steriods

Any couple should be able to marry where each loves, cherishes, respects and is dedicated to the well being and fulfillment of the other person as they would have their partner do onto them.

The solution for anti gay marriage men and women: Love and let love.

The solution for Bill Donohue

Stop using the name of God and Catholicism to serve your own personal agenda.  Also before you throw stones at other people, take care of what you are no doubt hiding (nearly all vehemently hostile people turn out to be hiding something which at the very least is that they care more about being right and winning than they do about serving a higher noble purpose).

Addendum: After this blog was posted, Gay Marriage posted this comment: "I am a big supporter of Gay Marriage but this article seems a little too biased. It doesn't seem to have much evidence to support it's claims. I think it has more to do than jealousy..."  I think his or her comment was spot on and that there are many pushy, argumentative, opinionated people who know how to be right, but don't know how to be happy and are jealous of people who are happy.  Seeing that and realizing that all the "being right" and winning is not going to make them happy, causes them to be aware of something that will never be theirs and that can often cause them be sarcastic, be cynical, condescending and attack anyone who is happy.

Follow Mark Goulston, M.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/markgoulston

Mark Goulston, MD, is the author of the new bestselling book Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.

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