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Know any foolish women? 10 Reasons to Not Date a Married Man

a.k.a He'll NEVER stay that into you

There are no positive reasons for dating a married man. Even the good reasons don't stand the test of time and turn out to be bad ideas in good ideas' clothing. If you find yourself on the brink of temptation, look at these 10 truths before you leap:

 

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Blog Author, you take an

Blog Author, you take an almost too extreme stand against affairs. I have a very good reason for dating a married man...we're in love. It happened before we were each separated/divorced. We were both in overbearing, underloving marriages. We found each other and have been in love for many many years. And......we're far from being the only ones in this situation. I suspect you're calming personal fears, or perhaps appealing to a bruised demographic.

10 reasons not to fall for a married man

Thank you so very much for this article. It made my break up a piece of cake when I objectively read each point! I am ashamed I was in this relationship and it will be a while until I am ready and healthy to be a suitable partner in a relationship.

There are always exceptions to the rules

And I am glad that you appear to be one.

If however you check out the 109 comments (http://www.peoplejam.com/blog/6860/10-reasons-not-date-married-man#comments) on this blog when it appeared at another site I am associated with, you'll see how much an exception to the rule you fortunately are.

could you pls help me to post it to right blog or place. I tried but could not post it. That is why I posted to you.

Subject: Inside the mind of a Cakeman (married lover/cheating husband)
You took interview of a Mistress/ Other woman "Inside the Mind of a Mistress" . I also read hundred articles about mistress and other woman. Disgust, hate for the mistress and other woman. Wives throw disgust on mistresses. Advices for the mistress and other woman. Aware and alert for the mistress and other woman. But nothing about the cakeman. WHY DONT YOU MAKE SHOW WITH A CAKEMAN? If he is excused for as because he has children? He has family? to keep his wife's respect in the society? That the wife has not to face questions of her neighbors? That the children has not to be asked in the school by their classmates and friends? Or just the children will get shocked?

Why should only the mistress/other woman be exposed and being asked always? Why not the cakeman? A mistress also is a daughter of someone, a sister, she also belongs to a family.

The cakeman is also liable to answer back and give explanation of why he does this.Why dont you go inside the cakeman's mind?

Why only the Mistress/ Other woman should hurt always? why mistress is only the looser always?

too judgmental

You appear to be unaware of the myriad ways in which dating a married man (or woman) can be just fine. Your post is full of assumptions about what constitutes a "legitimate" relationship," that all women must be looking for future commitments from every man they date, that the married man must be lying to his wife, etc. You might want to take a trans-cultural look at your own assumptions before laying them out as if they were "the rule" and anything that doesn't fit them is "an exception."

I agree with everything you said... except...

this:

1. He won't commit to a future with you.

My dad cheated on my mom (and my brother and I - I look at the whole thing as a betrayl) several times through their marriage.

He finally ended up marrying the last woman he cheated with.

I think that people who make commitments and don't keep them (and they try to justify them on PT) are delusional and selfish.

I don't understand why it's so hard to just keep a commitment. Why is it so hard to have integrity? Why is it so hard to just say no?

I read somewhere that it takes the average "troubled" marriage just 5 years to work itself out. Can't people wait 5 years if it means sticking to your commitment?

Moreover, what is it with people who want to have their cake, etc, etc? Break up with your wife/husband and go have fun!

Sheesh!

It ain't rocket science!

David Kaplan

Loyalty

I agree with you David. The problem is there is no Loyalty in the world left or almost none. Peple want want instant gratification when they want and whenever they want it. Life time commitments and working at a relationship are going the way of the dinosaur.

There are very few of us left in this world.

I completely agree with the

I completely agree with the loyalty statement. Most people want to do life easy (no effort/instant gratification) rather than doing life right(effort/work/eventually long term gratification and success). And they then wonder why it didn't work, AGAIN! LOL!

You are correct, sir.

There is no good reason to betray anyone. If you meet someone you love more than your spouse, just get divorced, break up, and be with the one you love. It's so dishonest to sneak around. Integrity will hurt, but it hurts less in the long run. I think it is laziness to keep an affair going whilst still married. And laziness will cause you pain.

Doctor Mark, some good points.....

While the commentor above, David Kaplan, does rightly point out that sometimes a cheater or cheaters wind up together long term or even married.

But the reality is that in a high percentage of the cases these 'relationships' don't work out long term.

There is an excellent book out by Dan Ariely,
Predictably Irrational
and in one it's chapters it describes a study that he did that shows how dramatically your decision making is affected when you are aroused.

The bottom line here is a relationship of infidelity based upon deceit and lying, hardly the foundation for starting a healthy relationship with someone new.

Suzy Weiss

Dating A Married Man?

Married Man dilemma with his wives girlfriends

I would like to ask your opinion of a married man who is only interested in his wives girlfriends.

He makes sexual enuendos and flirts with them in front of his wife. When her friends tell her he is disrespecting her, she replies, "oh, this is just him and that's how he's always been".

In fact, two friends,experiencing his disrespectful comments phoned one of the wives mutual friends, to ask if she was experiencing what they were. She said, "oh that's just him".

She then phoned him and told him that the wives two friends had called and were starting trouble! In fact, they weren't they were defending the wife and saying he was asking them to show him their breast. Texting his private parts, calling them privatly.

So the two friends are distancing himself and now wondering if him and the friend they called are in fact having a secret affair.

What are your thoughts on this?

Thank you for your time.

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This is so true!!

The author has opened my eyes to completely new aspect of such pathetic and dead-end relationships..... you might as well have protected a lot of ppl from making such a hideous mistake.

As a request I would plead you to write something on Indian Arranged marriages!!!

Inside the mind of a Cakeman (married lover/cheating husband)

You took interview of a Mistress/ Other woman "Inside the Mind of a Mistress" . I also read hundred articles about mistress and other woman. Disgust, hate for the mistress and other woman. Wives throw disgust on mistresses. Advices for the mistress and other woman. Aware and alert for the mistress and other woman. But nothing about the cakeman. WHY DONT YOU MAKE SHOW WITH A CAKEMAN? If he is excused for as because he has children? He has family? to keep his wife's respect in the society? That the wife has not to face questions of her neighbors? That the children has not to be asked in the school by their classmates and friends? Or just the children will get shocked?

Why should only the mistress/other woman be exposed and being asked always? Why not the cakeman? A mistress also is a daughter of someone, a sister, she also belongs to a family.

The cakeman is also liable to answer back and give explanation of why he does this.

Thanks
Selina

Dating a married man

I met a man about 18 months ago through work @ a yearly conference for schools in our state. He tried to sell me products for our school & asked for my email. I gave him an email address that I rarley check since I am used to people trying to sell schools on their products.

I was busy with audits & traveling but finally checked email.
He had emailed me several times asking to bring samples by, and then finally lunch. It was right before Christmas & I was feeling that it would be nice to have lunch paid for by a rep.
He got a ticket on the way to lunch (fyi) he told me that he was going through a divorce... I have been divorced for 3 years at this time.
He asked for a more legitimate email at that lunch & asked me out for another lunch a week later. That lunch lasted 7 hours & was our first kiss. He came on strong after that taking me to nice restaurants for lunches & dinners.

A couple of months later he asked me if I would spend the night with him in a hotel for his birthday... it was something that I would not ever do... but I have a teenager at home & I was not sure that I wanted him in my home yet.

This was a highly pressured, sweep me off my feet kind of whirwind romance - he offered everything in the world... free products for my school, trips, spending money, traveling... lots of things that I am not used to.
I was married for 20 years & as a single mother, now divorced my lifestyle was drastically altered (as my ex husband took all of our money & left the state & gave up custody of our children to be with his former fiance. My childrend & I have suffered a great deal of pain & anguish by his actions.

Now this man is telling me that he is going through a divorce this whole time & then come to find out he has cheated the entire marriage and his relationships last anywhere from one to thre of four years with women & that he just never talks to them again if they get too demanding.
I was thinking to myself I just want to have a good time and I am very lonely... He and I have a lot of the same interest & we work in the same industry & know many of the same people.

Dating a married man

I met a man about 18 months ago through work @ a yearly conference for schools in our state. He tried to sell me products for our school & asked for my email. I gave him an email address that I rarley check since I am used to people trying to sell schools on their products.

I was busy with audits & traveling but finally checked email.
He had emailed me several times asking to bring samples by, and then finally lunch. It was right before Christmas & I was feeling that it would be nice to have lunch paid for by a rep.
He got a ticket on the way to lunch (fyi) he told me that he was going through a divorce... I have been divorced for 3 years at this time.
He asked for a more legitimate email at that lunch & asked me out for another lunch a week later. That lunch lasted 7 hours & was our first kiss. He came on strong after that taking me to nice restaurants for lunches & dinners.

A couple of months later he asked me if I would spend the night with him in a hotel for his birthday... it was something that I would not ever do... but I have a teenager at home & I was not sure that I wanted him in my home yet.

This was a highly pressured, sweep me off my feet kind of whirwind romance - he offered everything in the world... free products for my school, trips, spending money, traveling... lots of things that I am not used to.
I was married for 20 years & as a single mother, now divorced my lifestyle was drastically altered (as my ex husband took all of our money & left the state & gave up custody of our children to be with his former fiance. My childrend & I have suffered a great deal of pain & anguish by his actions.

Now this man is telling me that he is going through a divorce this whole time & then come to find out he has cheated the entire marriage and his relationships last anywhere from one to thre of four years with women & that he just never talks to them again if they get too demanding.
I was thinking to myself I just want to have a good time and I am very lonely... He and I have a lot of the same interest & we work in the same industry & know many of the same people.

Dating a married man

continues...

One month led to another month & I introduced him to my sons; we had great fun & I made great dinners, etc...Every Friday night was date night & Sunday morning breakfast then he takes me grocery shopping. We have looked at condos to move into in my area and hired a realtor for this. During the week sometimes I would travel with him & he would pay me for missing my work. We have great fun on these business trips.

All the while he told me last April to give him 1 year for dating & that will up this April. We went to Arizona last month & it was wonderful, since then he has stopped giving me cash to carry around & has been ultra stressed as HER father passed away & it was a big to do with all of her family.
She is a hoarder and a pig at keeping house & spends all of the money that she earns form her job on shopping.
She pays the electricity bill, and cable bill and is accountable for nothing else. She spends her 5,000 on whatever she wants every month - he holds her accountable for nothing.

Here my man is telling me that I have to get a better job so we can go on nice trips & that he doesnt want to downgrade his lifestyle...literally harping on me about it constantly.

Meanwhile his wife is held accountable for nothing,
he then mentions that he is going to buy her a new car - but its for the kids....one kid already has a car and the other is 14...
The car is for HER ! make no bones about it...
Now I have a piece of crap for a car & if hes with me should he be thinking of buying me the car?
It was like a slap in the face...hes not weven thinking of me,,,i have to get a good job though - i guess so i can support him while he gives all of his money to her? and says its for his kids.

Every Sunday he goes to the grocery store & spends 300.00 and on thursday it goes in the garbage becasue she does not cook & goes thru drivethrough...now that sounds like a lovely mother doesnt it.
I told him that she is a horrible parent, as the son is at least 100 pounds overweight, they never tell the kids no & buy them whatever they want...but I have to get a good job! so we can have a nice house & go on trips....
She on the other hand has to do nothing, just sit there an get fatter & spend more money & gets a new car to boot....
Wow what do I do with that info - he has no commitment to me at all - noneNow he is avoiding me as I called him out on this and said that he would NOT put her first before me an that she has to be accountable for her actions...he yelled at me that its for his kids!

Dating a married man

continues...

One month led to another month & I introduced him to my sons; we had great fun & I made great dinners, etc...Every Friday night was date night & Sunday morning breakfast then he takes me grocery shopping. We have looked at condos to move into in my area and hired a realtor for this. During the week sometimes I would travel with him & he would pay me for missing my work. We have great fun on these business trips.

All the while he told me last April to give him 1 year for dating & that will up this April. We went to Arizona last month & it was wonderful, since then he has stopped giving me cash to carry around & has been ultra stressed as HER father passed away & it was a big to do with all of her family.
She is a hoarder and a pig at keeping house & spends all of the money that she earns form her job on shopping.
She pays the electricity bill, and cable bill and is accountable for nothing else. She spends her 5,000 on whatever she wants every month - he holds her accountable for nothing.

Here my man is telling me that I have to get a better job so we can go on nice trips & that he doesnt want to downgrade his lifestyle...literally harping on me about it constantly.

Meanwhile his wife is held accountable for nothing,
he then mentions that he is going to buy her a new car - but its for the kids....one kid already has a car and the other is 14...
The car is for HER ! make no bones about it...
Now I have a piece of crap for a car & if hes with me should he be thinking of buying me the car?
It was like a slap in the face...hes not weven thinking of me,,,i have to get a good job though - i guess so i can support him while he gives all of his money to her? and says its for his kids.

Every Sunday he goes to the grocery store & spends 300.00 and on thursday it goes in the garbage becasue she does not cook & goes thru drivethrough...now that sounds like a lovely mother doesnt it.
I told him that she is a horrible parent, as the son is at least 100 pounds overweight, they never tell the kids no & buy them whatever they want...but I have to get a good job! so we can have a nice house & go on trips....
She on the other hand has to do nothing, just sit there an get fatter & spend more money & gets a new car to boot....
Wow what do I do with that info - he has no commitment to me at all - noneNow he is avoiding me as I called him out on this and said that he would NOT put her first before me an that she has to be accountable for her actions...he yelled at me that its for his kids!

Dating a married man

continues...

One month led to another month & I introduced him to my sons; we had great fun & I made great dinners, etc...Every Friday night was date night & Sunday morning breakfast then he takes me grocery shopping. We have looked at condos to move into in my area and hired a realtor for this. During the week sometimes I would travel with him & he would pay me for missing my work. We have great fun on these business trips.

All the while he told me last April to give him 1 year for dating & that will up this April. We went to Arizona last month & it was wonderful, since then he has stopped giving me cash to carry around & has been ultra stressed as HER father passed away & it was a big to do with all of her family.
She is a hoarder and a pig at keeping house & spends all of the money that she earns form her job on shopping.
She pays the electricity bill, and cable bill and is accountable for nothing else. She spends her 5,000 on whatever she wants every month - he holds her accountable for nothing.

Here my man is telling me that I have to get a better job so we can go on nice trips & that he doesnt want to downgrade his lifestyle...literally harping on me about it constantly.

Meanwhile his wife is held accountable for nothing,
he then mentions that he is going to buy her a new car - but its for the kids....one kid already has a car and the other is 14...
The car is for HER ! make no bones about it...
Now I have a piece of crap for a car & if hes with me should he be thinking of buying me the car?
It was like a slap in the face...hes not weven thinking of me,,,i have to get a good job though - i guess so i can support him while he gives all of his money to her? and says its for his kids.

Every Sunday he goes to the grocery store & spends 300.00 and on thursday it goes in the garbage becasue she does not cook & goes thru drivethrough...now that sounds like a lovely mother doesnt it.
I told him that she is a horrible parent, as the son is at least 100 pounds overweight, they never tell the kids no & buy them whatever they want...but I have to get a good job! so we can have a nice house & go on trips....
She on the other hand has to do nothing, just sit there an get fatter & spend more money & gets a new car to boot....
Wow what do I do with that info - he has no commitment to me at all - noneNow he is avoiding me as I called him out on this and said that he would NOT put her first before me an that she has to be accountable for her actions...he yelled at me that its for his kids!

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Mark Goulston, MD, is the author of the new bestselling book Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.

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