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A couple of years ago, I was sitting in the monthly "Principal's Coffee" at my son's school when they announced the formation of a Dad's Club. The Dad in charge of the new club proudly proclaimed that the Dad's Club would not be doing fundraising and those sorts of things, but would "bring the fun." He went on to explain that many of fathers work full time and therefore cannot be at school for activities and volunteering, but would be available for the evening go-karting events and meetings at a local tavern (which exclude children from attendance). I, like the other full-time mothers in attendance at this 8:15AM meeting, were more than slightly offended by this, but perhaps more depressed than anything else since the thoughts expressed by this father reflect the attitudes of society in general - that mother's work is pointless drudgery. In reality, without the unfun work that mothers do everyday, our society would crumble.
I'm not talking about making dinner, folding laundry, and bandaging scraped knees. While those are important and worthy motherly chores, I'm talking about the other work that women do that is hidden and devalued because it is volunteer work. This volunteer work supports the civil society in the United States. It supports treeplanting initiatives, YMCA fundraisers, and education. Yet, because it is not focused on personal advancement or profit or glory, we fail to value the effort and competency that goes into this work.
This systematic devaluing has become more apparent to me as Sheryl Sandberg's concept of "leaning-in" has gained traction. I've read Anne-Marie Slaughter's review of the book, the various arguments about whether Sandberg has the standing to comment on the life choices of ordinary women, and the idea that to even question Sandberg is to be part of the patriarchal hegemony holding women back. But I think that everyone has missed the point. They've accepted the proposition that women aren't leaning in, aren't stepping up to take on challenging tasks, aren't making themselves irreplaceable, and aren't taking on leadership roles. That proposition is faulty. Women are leaning-in, but they aren't doing it in service to corporate profit or self-promotion. Women are leaning-in in every public school in the country and in every religious and secular volunteer group in the country. Women are contributing to the greater good, to the community, and to the education of our future workers. It isn't that women aren't striving, it's that the work women are doing is devalued.
Here's one example of the work that mothers are doing that is being devalued: Mothers are saving our educational system. Most people hear the words Parent Teacher Association (PTA) and think of a bunch of gossipy ladies running around baking cookies between spin classes. This image does a great injustice to the work that PTA/PTO parents are actually doing. In reality a PTA is a non-profit business, ours has an annual budget of nearly $500,000, with all revenue coming from fundraising. Our PTO pays for and administers programs in PE, art, technology, literacy and pays for literacy specialists. It also recruits volunteers to implement these programs in the classroom. Outside of the PTO, other volunteers supervise reading groups in the classroom, successfully obtain grants to fund a walk to school programs, drive students on local field trips, and serve as teacher's assistants. These volunteers, as in most schools, are almost entirely mothers. Of the 43 positions in our PTO/PTA, only 3 are held by men (one of those being the Dad's club coordinator). Of our in-classroom volunteers, 95% are women. Without these mothers, these mostly working mothers, there would be no art, little science, little PE, less assistance for teachers, and no field trips. These women ARE leaning-in, taking on new challenges and taking leadership roles, but are doing so in way that benefits every student in that school and society in general - but not themselves. Without mothers like them, our education system would collapse. We should recognize and value their contributions.
There are hundred other ways that mothers are making the organizations that enrich our lives go. Even in traditionally-male domains, mothers are the machine. In my son's Cub Scout Pack, 3 of the seven Den Leaders are mothers, and only two of the Committee Members are men. In AYSO, women serve as the coordinators.
This is not to say that there are not men who are also active. I know some wonderful fathers who are very involved with their children's lives. But, a majority of the time, when volunteers are needed, it is a mother who raises her hand first.
The premise of leaning-in is that women should not let family and marriage get in the way of success in the work world. This simplistic analysis of women's lives completely ignores the other essential roles that women play in society - and the ways in which these roles can be meaningful and fulfilling for women. It suggests that there is only one way to be a leader and to be considered successful. Instead, se should recognize, and applaud other kinds of leadership and contribution. We should respect and value mothers who not only care for their own families, but also contribute in important and fundamental ways to the well-being of the community and society. And, if we want women to be more prominant in the board room, then we must stop relying upon the volunteer efforts of women to provide solutions for which that we don't care to pay. We must fully fund education, provide social services, and take care of our environment.
There is a saying that women "hold half the sky" - and we're doing it by leaning in.
