The stories are unimaginable and horrific. The epitome of something gone terribly wrong? A diagnosis missed? A family adrift? A disease out-of-control?
Accounts similar to these have gripped the headlines and more and more women with postpartum depression have emerged with new and unspoken fears. Will I, too, act on some of my deepest, darkest, most secret thoughts that somehow bring harm to my baby? What if I become psychotic? What will happen if I tell someone how I'm really feeling?
After tragedies hit close to home and the predictable media frenzy that ensues, people from all walks of life try to make sense out of it all: "Well, let's hope some good can come out of this," one journalist optimistically declared during an interview. "Maybe this will make it easier for women will come forward and talk about how they're feeling so they can get help."
Maybe.
But that's not what's happening. Women are more afraid than ever.
Women are afraid that they will totally lose control. They are frightened that the healthcare system won't understand, or worse, will betray them. They are frightened that they must continue to suffer in silence because the risk of disclosure is way too high. Perhaps worst of all, they remain terrified of their own thoughts, their paralyzing feelings, and most afraid of the deep despair that lurks behind the face they put on to get them through each day when they are suffering from PPD.
If you ask a woman who has never had a baby if she's worried about postpartum depression, she is likely to say it probably won't happen to her. If you ask a woman who is currently depressed how she feels about having another baby, she will likely say she will never have any more children. If you ask a woman who has recovered from postpartum depression how she feels about having another baby, she is likely to say she is afraid.
If you have a history of postpartum depression, you know how overwhelming the thought of having another baby is. Remember this:
1) The more knowledge you have, the less you will fear the unknown.
2) Straightforward, honest communication will ease your anxieties and set the groundwork in motion to insure a smoother experience for you and your partner.
3) Do what you need to do to feel in more in control during this decision-making journey. Information and support will go a long way to help decrease your anxiety. Be careful not to place too much emphasis on the opinions of others. Well-intended loved ones can can potentially apply pressure on you or increase your anxiety.
4) Objective voices, on the other hand, can relieve your apprehensions and strengthen your resolve as you move forward in this process. Therapy, for example, can offer welcomed support, resources and evidence-based information that you need to proceed with confidence (Try to find someone with a special interest in women's issues).
Of course you're scared to think about having another baby if you've experienced a previous postpartum depression. But remember that your experience provides a template for you. It tells you what worked, what didn't work, what you need to focus on next time, how things might have to be adjusted. You and your partner need to sit down together, go over all of your concerns regarding this decision, and together, develop a plan of action that you both feel comfortable with. Discuss your worries. Write down possible solutions. Explore options. Investigate all available resources. Then, armed with this information and mutual support, the two of you can move forward with confidence and less fear, and make a decision that is in your best interest.
Adapted from What Am I Thinking: Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression?
© 2011 Karen Kleiman www.postpartumstress.com
Karen Kleiman is founder and director of The Postpartum Stress Center, a treatment and training center for prenatal and postpartum mood and anxiety disorders. She is the author of several books on postpartum depression.
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