Imagine too that your kid is within earshot. Do you take your child to another room? Or do you explain to your child in front of everyone that racism is wrong?
Assuming that you are against teaching racism, here is something you can't do: Nothing. If you say nothing, then your child and everyone else will think you agree with what that other parent is saying at the dinner table.
I have found that the following can help in such a situation: You acknowledge that you understand that the parent is speaking from his or her own experience. However, you also announce that you emphatically disagree with what is currently being said about how different racial groups act. You can say that you believe that it is very important to treat people as individuals, rather than as stereotypical members of their respective racial groups. If your kid did happen to hear the racist comment, you can explain this principle in more detail to him or her later at home.
Discussing all of this reminds me of a time in graduate school when my soft-spoken, super-well-mannered boyfriend was driving a female acquaintance and me home from a party. She was jabbering away from the backseat and suddenly used the "N" word. He responded by immediately pulling the car over. He firmly told her that if she was going to use that language, she'd have to get out of the car. He was my superhero in that moment for acting on what I didn't have the guts to do myself back then.
Do you have some good ideas for dealing with racist comments to add to these suggestions?
Anita E. Kelly, Ph.D., is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Notre Dame. She is author of The Clever Student and The Psychology of Secrets.
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