Insight Therapy

Psychologically informed reflections on how we interact.

Sexual Satisfaction: Highly Valued, Poorly Understood

Sexual satisfaction is an easy concept to grasp, but not to study. Despite recent advances, we are still far away from a thorough understanding of the causes and implications of this important component of a happy life. Read More

Just the opposite

I am in my 40s, enjoying more sexual relationships than I did earlier in my life. I am 20 pounds heavier than I was then, but my attitude is much better and I am enjoying my lovers more.

Isn't this study proving the obvious?

All the levels of sexual satisfaction is quite obvious to me. The most important one is your personal situation and the self esteem that correlates with that.

Its great that we now can start to research it more and get more "truthful" results, becuase of its status as less taboo - especially in the western world. However it is so much more interesting to me what happens in the parts of the world, where it is in fact taboo.


Hello, and thank you for the well-written article. After having a discussion today with a friend about the persistence of bigoted comments about our gay brothers and sisters on Facebook, I would like to request that you consider showing photos of happy gay couples in your articles, as well. Attitudes will never fully evolve until seeing a gay couple becomes normal in our media, and since this is a progressive publication, I thought it seemed like a good place to ask first! :) Thank you!

Good idea

Yes, that is a good idea. I have intended to do so in the past but will make more of an effort going forward. Thank you.

Thank you

Thank you for your kind reply. I greatly appreciate it.

I think that sex is too often

I think that sex is too often tied to other things. I don't just mean women using it as dog-treats for guys to make them 'behave.'

I mean that sex is a thing in itself. If we stop making it about love, self-worth, money, etc and just let it be sex, it would demystify it a lot.

Sex feels good. It feels amazing actually. Why would anyone mess that up by making it contingent on anything else?

I don't necessarily mean that we should have loveless sex. But it feels just as good with a stranger who does it well as it does with someone I love. That should be a clue!

However, I like love too. I guess finding a guy I just plain like who also gives me amazing orgasms is like finding the holy grail. I think I've found that with my bf of 3 years. I don't look around any more cuz I don't want to. But that's the romance side of it I guess. Best of both worlds :)

Low sex self-esteem = bad sex

@Womans perspective - I totally agree with you on some part. Sex is often tied to other things, but when that is said, I believe that the best sex is when ones sexual self-esteem is high. Doesn't matter if it's a stranger or a BF I am having sex with. If my s-self-esteem is low, I just don't enjoy it as much as when its high.

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Noam Shpancer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Otterbein College and a practicing clinical psychologist in Columbus, Ohio.


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