- Home
- Find a Therapist
- Topic Streams
- Get Help
Mental Health
Addiction
ADHD
Anxiety
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Depression
Eating Disorders
Insomnia
OCDPersonality
Passive Aggression
Personality
ShynessPersonal Growth
Happiness
Goal Setting
Positive PsychologyRelationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
SexEmotion Management
Anger
Procrastination
StressFamily Life
Adolescents
Child Development
Elder Care
Parenting
SiblingsRecently Diagnosed?
Diagnosis Dictionary
- Magazine
- Tests
- Psych Basics
- Experts
Masturbation benefits women more than men, and yet they masturbate less. Contemporary science has dispelled the outlandish historical myths about masturbation, and yet it has not managed to close this gap. Why? Read More
psychology
a women masturbating is still not accepted in the society . it s seen as a sin or crime .,
About masturbation...
I started masturbation at the age of 10.But I didn´t discover it by myself: a friend of mine showed how to do it. Of course i felt a great pleasure, but ever since I felt GUILT and has not dissapeared at all.WHY ALWAYS THE GUILT ? Things change when I do it with a female partner. How´s that ? So I personlly beleive there is something wrong with masturbating alone. I don´t know if this is true concerning women masturbation. I´ve read that some women masturbate routinely EVERY DAY !!!, just like they brush their teeth!!!. I beleive this is NOT NORMAL, no matter what researchers say.
WHY?
Beyond the guilt you feel, can you articulate exactly why you feel this is "not normal, no matter what researches say"?
I agree with Mary- is there
I agree with Mary- is there any specific reason why you feel it's not normal?
The prison of personal experience
Bernard: thanks for the frank comment. Let me suggest that your guilt may have little to do with the act of masturbation itself, but perhaps more to do with the circumstances under which you were introduced to it. That hypothesis is worth exploring with the help of a professional. The fact that you feel guilt while doing something does not necessarily mean that the thing you're doing is wrong. Perhaps the guilt is wrong.
You have to ask yourself: how can something pleasurable, safe, and healthy that doesn't hurt anybody else be bad? ask yourself: are 99% of men in the world bad?
Now, it's true that there's such thing as 'too much of a good thing.' anything that's done compulsively, out of control, or excessively can be damaging. But the data on sexual behavior show that variety and variability is the norm. People differ greatly in how much they do what they do. Normal, in this case, is highly subjective. So we best not rush to judge the other just because they do something more or less than us. 'Normal' is often not a useful distinction in sexual matters. A better consideration is for pleasure, health, and safety. If what you're doing is pleasurable to you, doesn't harm your health or others, and is reasonably safe, then go ahead and enjoy yourself, and don't worry about 'normal'.
masturbation
As a man -- I wonder why women don't mastubate more -- most very sensual and sexual women I know have -- it was how they discovered what gave them pleasure .. too much of a good thing could be bad -- but ... most balanced adults it seems have too little time for sex in any manifestions
In the words of Dr. Seuss -- "these things are fun, and fun is good".
I believe the difference
I believe the difference between the frequency of male/female masturbation has a lot to do with the differences in sex drives. Also, with most of the woman I've talked to recently about sex, they often attribute not having sex or wanting to masturbate because of the low emotional involvement. Most of my friends say "it feels empty."
A good indicator on how pleasurable an orgasm is for a woman is her mood, emotions, and thoughts at the time. For a man its more about the physical feeling and thoughts. Also, its much more convenient for a man to masturbate. We just have to whip it out, go to work, and well... you know the rest. =p
It's easier for guys to joke
It's easier for guys to joke about masturbating amongst themselves, while not out rightly admitting that they do it. Women never joke about women masturbating, nor do we talk about it amongst ourselves. The closest we'll say, is when we're complaining about the man in our life, we'll say something like "if I'm going to have to put up with (behavior x) then I might as well buy a vibrator." Even the vibrator comment is extremely rare.
One advantage we do have, it's more socially acceptable for a woman to use a toy or any other prop at her private party.
We women just like to keep our masturbation a secret, so the mystery will tantalize and intrigue our men.
If we talked about it all the time, and used words like "Jill off", would men find THAT a turn on?
YES THEY DO FROM MY EXPERIENCE
Actually, I have found over the years that in almost ALL my sexual relationships with men, they loved to talk about this subject. And they wanted to hear all the details of my masturbation, as they found this subject to be an enormous turn on.
Mary is right. As I guy I
Mary is right. As I guy I love talking about it with female friends. Even if I have no sexual relations with that friend I still enjoy talking about it with them. It's a definite turn on and honestly... it gives us something to fantasize about later. =)
serious problems
"...it's more socially acceptable for a woman to use a toy or any other prop at her private party.
We women just like to keep our masturbation a secret, so the mystery will tantalize and intrigue our men.
If we talked about it all the time, and used words like "Jill off", would men find THAT a turn on?"
Anybody else see a huge problem here? Anyone else note that the "props" were stand-in for male organs and that this comment brought up how WOMEN talking ABOUT WOMEN TO WOMEN would affect a man??? Anybody else think that's weird?? I assure you, the converse is not happening with men, so what gives?
It's also a revelation into a likely cause of the Gap that was not explored in the article: Heteronormative sex acts, culturally speaking, are male-centered. Heteronormative women are not allowed to think about themselves and seek their own satisfaction alone, even when they are exploring their own physical space! And certainly not purely about themselves during masturbation even though by definition, NO ONE ELSE IS THERE.
Serious problems in our society with women and sex. SERIOUS PROBLEMS.
Thanks for bringing this up.
Men would. Most of us,
Men would. Most of us, anyway.
But I'd like to toss in there that I have many sex-positive female friends, and masturbation humor amongst them is, in my experience, much less infrequent and much less oblique than you believe.
The plural of "anecdote", of course, is not "data", but the truth, to coin a phrase, is out there.
Female sexuality is such a
Female sexuality is such a powerful force (desire, pleasure, life) that males are afraid of it. Thus religion. Thus politics. Thus violence. Thus discrimination. Thus hate. Thus inequality in all aspects.
Males are still animals for the most part, vulgar... basic... driven by ego and instant satisfaction.
I must admit, I've never quite understood this argument
As a male, I've wondered about whether there's an inconvenient truth lurking behind the statement "men are afraid of female sexuality." But quite honestly I don't see it (or sense it). I just don't see a downside to female sexuality for males. What's the worst that could happen?
1) One or more females who one really doesn't care for want to engage in sexual relations. Well, it's awkward, but not a big deal, "I'm flattered but I don't think it would work out, I must respectfully decline...I'm sorry, really!" Not so bad.
2) Suppose a male finds he just can't keep up with a female partner in terms of how much sexual activity she wants, or the male has a hard time performing at all sexually. I just don't see that as a huge deal. It's just a matter of "whew, I'm done, you win!" or "jeez, it doesn't want to work today...sorry." Even talking among other guys these things are not uncommon and not that ego-damaging.
If there's something else lurking it's not occurring to me at this moment. I think the driver behind politics and oppression and war is not anything stemming from anxiety about female sexuality. I think the simpler explanations of greed for power and bloodlust are more fitting.
here's one way to understand the argument
logic001: I don't believe that ALL problems stem from fear of female sexuality. Things tend to be multiply-determined. That is, most important things have more than one cause. But it's difficult to deny the fact that throughout history, societies and religious dogmas have engaged in a persistant effort to regulate and control women's sexual behavior. You can see the evolutionary logic of this. Women bring offspring. If a woman's sexual behavior is not controlled, a man cannot know if the offspring she is carrying is his. if he doesn't know that, then he may be wasting his resources caring for genes that are not his--a losing evolutionary proposition. Social and religious systems--controlled, as they are, by men--thus develop to dread free sexual expression in women and seek to regulate it. How's that for starters?
not so fast
I think if you note that all the mentioned institutions are MALE dominated, you'll start to understand the original comment.
Perhaps female sexuality and the accompanying organs aren't so much powerful, as a MYSTERY to men, which scares them. Perhaps men ARE more self-centered and greedy and more about domination, but that is why they are controlling and/or dismissive of women. It's just easier to go that route because they CAN; they have the power to do it, with comparatively little repercussion. (I say this because historically men are never punished for "aggression" to the degree that women are, and are typically rewarded for it from a young age. Before they are all that physiologically different from girls, ie, before they can discover on their own that might WINS, they have parents teaching them that that behavior is acceptable and preferable in boys and parents actively and passively teaching girls that it is NOT acceptable for them.)
In this case, you have to understand the broader definition of sexuality- in this case, and in non-heteronormative spaces (see my comment above about women being presumed to be thinking about male organs FIRST and foremost, even alone, when sex is involved), it includes organs, sexual expression and gender expression. Narrowing it down to "women do the same things as men and I'm ok with it" is overly simplistic, especially when you are looking for causality of what is an obvious inequality, for which the fact that one can even FIND a wide enough statistical difference that allows anyone to break it down as Men v. women" is evidence of something amiss.
Also, I don't understand "1." What does that have to do the threat of female sexuality? I think I've started talking myself through it, but if I am picking up on what you think you're saying, you are using individual anecdotal evidence to dispute statistical trends that indicate things are largely otherwise.
IE, MOST men, especially young men, do not OFFER THEMSELVES in a way that being politely declined is even in order (and not potentially dangerous to do so for the woman). They accost a woman with he expectation to get his own way, Period. Especially, if to HIS mind, she is comfortable with her sexuality. A woman in a tight skirt is a bitch for refusing HIS advances at all...what makes ALL of those men presume she's wearing the skirt for HIM in particular, or EVERY MAN in general, but not another specific *person* or *persons* who he is NOT... maybe even *just today,* I don't know. Male sociopathy boggles the mind...until you consider that society at every turn is telling men, from adolescence on, that women are only sentient, autonomous beings when men can't figure out "what's wrong with em" or when the MAN has no desire or chance to have sex with that PARTICULAR woman.
Ever notice how a single, attractive woman has more power in society unless men feel VULNERABLE (or responsible) to HER? Well, there you go.
is it wrong to believe that
is it wrong to believe that when a womnan chooses "cute" top that the fact that it may be sexually tantalizing is wrapped up in "cute" whether or not she consciously expreses that?
Fear
I don't think so -- men may generally be squeamish about disclosing too much about themselve or to have to deal with "feelings". I personally, have no problem with either. The "animals" reference I think is a little over the top. Biologically, men and women share a species. And, in some circumstances, giving in to "animal" tendencies can un-complicate and issue/feeling/actvity that for some reason has become "over-complicated".
There are no "hard and fast" rules that govern male or female sexuality, and I generally am loath to over-generalize issues of sexuality.
kilo ver ,zayıflama ,hızlı kilo
One advantage we do have, it's more socially acceptable for a woman to use a toy or any other prop at her private party.
pratikdiyet
thankyou
"Con men are, above all,
"Con men are, above all, great capitalists, as we have all re-learned recently in the U.S." Actually we have recently learned that con men, especially from Chicago, are great socialists. Try sticking to your topic instead of giving us your two bit far left political beliefs.
On con men and beliefs
Anonymous: how about you don't tell me what to write in my own blog, and I won't tell you to get a sense of humor and spare us your displaced rage? We good?
You tell him Dr. Shpancer!
You tell him Dr. Shpancer! lol
He must be a republican...
I concur. The gent needs to
I concur.
The gent needs to learn what "free speech" *actually* means, cause it doesn't license his response.
"Groping the Google"
"In my human sexuality class recently, I asked students to come up with all the known slang terms for male masturbation. They quickly listed at least a dozen. Then I asked them to come up with slang to describe female masturbation. None came instantly to mind. After much effort, they came up with ‘flicking the bean' and ‘Jill off.' That was it."
Don't today's college students bring laptops to classrooms awash in Wi-Fi? Had they Googled "slang to describe female masturbation," they would have found this, and
this.
This link, demonstrates the relative paucity of phrases for women's wanking; it lists over three hundred euphemisms for "play the skin flute" but only a third that many for "tiptoe through the twolips."
Groping the google, indeed
Neal: most students at least in my university, don't bring laptops to class, although I believe that this is bound to change soon, as laptops become cheaper and more versatile. That being said, I admire your selfless initiative, investigative prowess, and commitment ...
Someone needs to tell girls where their clitoris is
I didn't have my first orgasm (at least, when I was awake) until I was almost 21. I'm 30 now, and it's still difficult, especially with a partner. I'm insanely jealous of my friends who can orgasm from intercourse, or who can orgasm quickly.
It wasn't any kind of shame that was the problem. Nor was it a problem of libido (as if).
I had no idea where my clitoris was or how to touch it. I didn't even know what it was until I was out of high school.
I think I must have touched it at some point, and done it too roughly, and just decided not to try it again. In any case, it didn't occur to me to keep trying...
I'm wondering where you live
I'm wondering where you live if none of your women friends talk about masturbation? It's not secret - everyone does it, and however much they like to do it is exactly what is 'normal' for them....define normal anyway! As for 'props' - get outta here! Yes for sure sometimes but really alot of props are penis replacements...maybe the women you know are not being entirely honest with you and the real reason they use themis because they have ticklers on them! I find this so shocking that your friends can't talk about this subject....I guess it's the old - 'if you can't talk about it you shouldn't be doing it'? I discovered my own body at a young age and have been pleased that I did as it has helped (and improved) my sexual relations as an adult. If you dont know how to please yourself how can you show others?...Or do you just lie there?
Great Observation
I had wondered that. I cannot see how exploring your responses cannot enhance your sexuality. Consistently "just lying there" is not, in my view, a basis for sustained pleasurable adult sexual relationships -- which, in my view, are an important ingredient in sustained monogamous relationships.
> I discovered my own body at
> I discovered my own body at a young age
And that is why you have the reaction you do to the other commenter. :-)
biology versus culture
I doubt that the difference between male and female rate of masturbation has anything to do with shame, culture or education. I strongly believe it is biological. I am a woman who doesn't find much pleasure in masturbation. I am wondering if there is a difference in hormonal levels between the women who masturbates and the one who don't. Such a difference could explain why some women are more likely to masturbate and experience orgasm than others.
Post new comment