Insight Therapy

"Anticipatory anxiety is usually a much more noxious condition than the actual situation being anticipated." How true. I was just thinking about this yesterday. My boss was at a class and asked me to run a meeting for me. I told myself I was way too nervous to run the meeting. When it came time for the actual meeting, it wasn't bad at all. In fact, I got the whole room to laugh (with me, not at me!) and there were plenty of good questions afterwards.

*My boss was at a class and asked me to run a meeting for him.

This relates to weight loss in that many people avoid addressing their health issue because it is a source of stress and negative self image. Rather, people just eat more to feel better. The emotional eating cycle is one that a lot of people are stuck in because of the very reason outlined in your piece. But, when people address what causes the eating or why they are not taking care of themselves, it can lead to long term relief and greater happiness.

Thanks.

This is a great explanation. I am teaching my daughter this gradually. As a four year old she faces agony every day, from not getting what she wants for breakfast to what clothes to wear, because there are times that what she wants is not available/ not appropriate. I let her know that she'll be okay anyway even if she has to wear clothes she doesn't like, and I don't show much concern for her wailing and thrashing about. I see that as practice expressing herself, and hopefully as she gets herself expressed she will graduallly take my cue and not put much emotional energy into the hated pair of jeans over the too-short dress!

This article really struck a cord in me. I love my girlfriend with every fiber in my being. She is an incredible human being- the likes of which I may never encounter again in this lifetime, and she is precious to me.

As an extremely sensitive and loving person, she is easily hurt, and often expresses doubts about us. Sometimes I get frustrated and say the wrong things, and sometimes, I think, she overreacts and has a tendency to build tiny fears into horrific terrors, inflating them via a self-inflicted verbal frenzy, and I feel powerless to soothe or re-assure her.

I admit that my communication skills are a work in progress, and many things I should have done better. I certainly have my own demons to exorcise..

But many of her fears, I feel, are due to past traumas she has experienced in her life; ex-lovers, friends, co-workers, and abusive family members.

I worry that, as a result of these past abuses, many of her coping skills have been eroded. I may never be perfect enough for her, regardless of well I progress.

As human beings, we will inevitably hurt each other at times, beit intentionally or accidentally. I fear that she lacks the fortitude to weather these small pains, or the introspection to acknowledge even the possibility that some of our relationship problems might be solved, in part, through the development of healthier coping skills, and not only better communication.

Not only do I want to assist her development out of selfish desire to enjoy her companionship, but also because I profoundly love and respect her as a person. I want her to enjoy life to its fullest, extracting every bit of joy from it possible.

I would appreciate any resources one might have on enabling me to better help her cope, (without making her feel as if I'm trying to "school" her.) She is highly intelligent, and averse to me trying to educate her on much of anything.

Thanks-

Loving Boyfriend.

Thank you for this article. I have spent the past couple of hours reading various articles trying to better understand WTF is going on in my head right now!! A recent incident in my life has sent me back more than a decade emotionally.
I am overwhelmed by my "crazy angry behavior" that I thought I had worked through years ago.

Your article forced me to see within and beyond my current self. I am forced to acknowledge my self sabotaging behavior. My eyes are now open to how much energy I really do spend in my life on avoidance and not meeting my obstacles head on.

I think I am much more aware of why I am regressing emotionally and I believe I have now added another tool to my "Toolbox"...

Thank You.

Peace, Love, and Jelly Beans
XO

I think this is relevant to many people's lives, myself included. This is why I procrastinate, this is why my relatives are drug addicts, this is why my friend put off going to school. The negative emotions that come with facing a fear makes some of us behave in ways so that we may avoid these negative emotions.

The Good Psychologist is very interesting to me. As a retired empty-nester married to a woman now out of the house and enjoying her activities so much she has little time and energy left over for him, I have had my imagination run wild. I see her energy directed elsewhere and feel I am not significant in her life. I imagine her leaving me, either because of someone else or because I have driven her away. I have been very negative to her about this. I want to stop.
I think I'm supposed to embrace this fear of rejection. I'm not quite sure how.