Insight Is 20/20

Exploring the pervasive, and unperceived, patterns that govern our lives

How to Decipher Your Date

If you're on the receiving end of of any of these four rampant brush-off techniques, identify it for what it is, address it, and then consider moving on. Read More

relationship issues

what to do and how can you tell your bf/gf that your family had conflict with my family?and you know that the relationship is not gonna work at the end because of family conflict.

The coveted Friday or Saturday night date

I disagree with the idea that if you don't go out with someone on Friday or Saturday night, you are not interested. I have a daughter with depression and she is awake at that time. It is far easier for me to go out in the morning while she is still sleeping so I don't have to worry about leaving her alone. Some people like me have reasons why they can't go out at different times and it doesn't mean they aren't interested in the other person.

From the outside, it looks

From the outside, it looks like care for your daughter supersedes the availability normal to the majority of the dating population. Tough break, but dating for caretakers and 2nd shifters is always going to be a more complicated issue., I suppose if you're upfront with others about your schedule, you won't have to worry about the brushoff perception anyway.

From the outside, it looks

From the outside, it looks like care for your daughter supersedes the availability normal to the majority of the dating population. Tough break, but dating for caretakers and 2nd shifters is always going to be a more complicated issue., I suppose if you're upfront with others about your schedule, you won't have to worry about the brushoff perception anyway.

I'm so happy to see that you

I'm so happy to see that you are putting your daughter first - many parents who are dating do not do that! My boyfriend has three sons, and one has autism; therefore we do not go out on the weekends. But I certainly don't feel brushed off - he regularly takes off a whole day (and I do, too) for us to spend together. I don't think articles like this take in consideration certain circumstances.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom always put us first - before any boyfriend/date/whatever. I would not respect my boyfriend if he didn't put his children first, because of the example of my mother. Did she sacrifice? Well, yes. That's what being a parent is about.

Good advice

I have been seeing someone for almost two months. He has cancelled/changed dates on numerous times, citing family reasons. I didn't see him on Valentines day or his Birthday. I don't see him weekends either!
He cancelled on me last week and after some thought I mentioned it to him, he apologised and seemed sincere.

Now he is saying he's not vey well. I have sporadic texts asking me how I am (I haven't mentioned meeting up again). When I reply he sometimes doesn't bother to reply until the next day.
I'm just fed up with meeting people who let me down. Being reliable is very important to me, seems no one else can live up to my high standards. I'm fed up of the whole playing games in the dating world.

relationship issues

the problem is that he/she doesn't know how to tell him or her about the situation and he/she*s afraid to lose him/her.the only barrier to their love is the family grudges.


My dear you dont need to be fed up all you just need to do is to look back into the previous broken relationship you were once into and try to scoff out the priblem and maje amendment .

Hmmm...he could well be

Hmmm...he could well be married/partnered. Hence the reason you didn't see him on Valentine's/B'Day. Of course this is only an assumption on my part. You might want to find out a bit more about him, or like it says in the article move on and find someone who will invest time in you.

He's married or otherwise

He's married or otherwise partnered.

Trust me on this one. There might be a .5% chance I'm wrong but I doubt it. He's throwing you those random texts just to keep in your loop" in case he gets some free time and wants to fill it with you., don't walk!

The brush off by cheating

I was with a man who got serious pretty quick. Met the kids, the family, even the ex-wife (mother of the kids). All was wonderful and happy, so I thought. Until I got the "i just wanted to be alone" time one or two times during the week - when he didn't have the kids. Come to find out he was sleeping with other women. He callously chose to screw up probably the best thing he's ever had (besides his kids). He has "no idea why he did it". and it licking his wounds now. As for me, it's very painful and wish it were easier to realize I dodged a bullet. In time.

Response to the brush off by cheating

He wanted to get you emotionally committed so it would be harder to leave. He likely did the same cheating with his wife/mother of the kids. I feel your pain. At least you saw the truth and moved on. He will one day regret losing you.


Relationship is one most important in everybody's life but there is a specific time for it

Brush Offs

Dude; you have never worked a regular job, much less a graveyard shift have you. I think you should try it for about a year or two before you go giving dating advise because it is clear to me that you have not a clue.


Just tell it as it is. Seems hard to do for some but if you have any experience of relationships you must speak up for what you are luring into. Otherwise your just flirting.We all need to move forward. I mean learn from the best/worst. Most interesting people can take it up front and will appreciate the thruth/sincerety of your emotions. Cause lets face it, its all about emotions and if yours are not at its best or under control it is always risky to go out looking for a partner. And please everybody if its gonna get serious forget the texting. :)


I'm dealing with the minimal contact during the week. I don't like it.
I've also invited him to meet a couple of my friends. He said no he wasn't up to it.
It's been five months and we haven't met each others friends. I don;t like it.
I'm being to feel like I am the safety date while he is shopping for women.
not happy about this

Not returning texts

After i was bombarded with text to meet and we did, had a night of fun and a few texts followed. After which i would text and get nothing. Then a few days later i would get some neutral text. I confronted him very much as in the advice in the article- Look if you don't like just say so but not responding to my texts is extremely rude and i hate games and am not up for it. I received a rather irate phone call to say as a vet in a hospital he is super busy and that that is his priority. I was not to put words in his mouth and that yes he does like me just hasn't the time for much else When he is free he would contact me. Then nothing again for a while and after a month of very sporadic texts i got one asking how i was and that he missed me though..mind games of what..


The process of life is to learn and become a better person. There is an energy match or there is not when you meet someone. If you are healthy you shall meet someone healthy ( the opposite is true too)
So the process of dating can be quite simple if you make healthy decisions and choices. Learn to check in with your gut and your heart. If it does not feel right , it is not right. It is better to spend your time wisely.

the millenial slot date...

The article should have included a postscript about the current trend some millenials do, where they schedule an early dinner with their "opposite sex conversation partner" (unbeknownst to them) and move on from their to their sex partner later in the evening. I guess some generations think they can have it all.

In my opinion, if you have

In my opinion, if you have time to meet new people and chit chat, join a group and stay active, the chance to have a connection, not just a physical attraction, is a lot bigger than going to the bars, gyms or with online dating. The decipher part would be very minimum. The problem with online dating is the next date is always always a few click away. Dont let yourself get trapped if you really really value your time and you believe that lasring attraction is much less about appearance. It is not about speed it is about putting youself first, train your instinct, face to face at the right time, right place.

I found this to be quite accurate

I was experiencing what this article was saying, and decide to use the quote written in the article as a test. Lo and behold she texted me saying I was right in assuming she was brushing me of.

Comments on "How to Decipher Your Date" | Psychology Today

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Seth Meyers, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist with the L.A. County Department of Mental Health.


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