An Open Letter to Kim Kardashian: Signed, Your Imaginary Living Father

Dear Kim,

We haven’t met but, as a therapist who works with many young women, I must say that I’m worried about you. As a therapist and father, I want to express my concerns for you.

I saw you recently interviewed on Oprah’s Next Chapter, the interview show on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). At first, I was surprised to see you on the show because I’d seen previous interesting episodes on subjects including Hassidic Jews and India, shows that were focused more on cultures than celebrities. Apparently, however, Oprah's decided to forgo some quality issues in favor of bigger celebrity-driven ratings, and no one personifies American celebrity better than you, Kim. Yet I’m digressing, because that’s a whole other open letter. When it comes to your interview with Oprah, several comments you made concern me as a therapist and parent.

I’m worried about your preoccupation with fairy tales.

In your interview, you actually say, “I want the fairy tale.” I don’t know if your mother raised you to believe in fairy tales, but I can’t imagine that your father did: He was a lawyer, after all, and lawyers don't believe in fairytales! You talked in the interview about wanting “babies,” but that worried me, too, because the idea of "babies" is easy to romanticize and idealize. The truth is that babies don’t stay babies for very long. They turn into toddlers, and toddlers grow into kids and teenagers, stages in life that could be extra challenging for you and your kids if you keep up the media circus you’ve had going for several years now. If you have kids, I hope that you raise them outside of a big city, because cameras chasing small children is never a good thing. If you doubt me, ask Britney Spears because she learned that lesson the hard way.

I’m worried about you and Kanye.

Above all, I’m most worried about your new romantic relationship with Kanye West. At the very least, you're aware that it is a little soon to start another relationship. After Oprah asked if you'll marry Kanye, you appropriately responded, "First, I need to get divorced." Your soon-to-be ex-husband, Kris Humphries, appreciates the fact, I'm sure, that you still remember him. But with Kanye, you sound certain that he is The One.

In the interview, you talk at length about how he knows “everything” about you and your family, and you share how comforting it is to have him in your life. Kim, I don’t know either of you, but I can assure you that he doesn’t know everything about you. No one ever really knows “everything” about another person: people are complicated and ever-changing. This kind of fantasy you’re endorsing is child-like, black-or-white thinking, period.

When it comes to partner selection, the only information you have about a person is his or her history. Kanye is a celebrity who, on the surface – because I’ve never met or assessed him – seems a little unstable. There have been reports that he is a heavy drinker, he’s gotten into altercations with photographers who undoubtedly provoke him, and there’s that episode where he disturbed the entire flow at an award show and tried to take the award away from the actual winner. Seriously, who does that? And doesn't that say something about his judgment and emotional stability? I have no doubt that Kanye is incredibly talented, or that he could potentially make a good romantic partner to someone at some point in time. But for you, Kim, who already has a pretty chaotic life and who’s just come off the heels of a super-short marriage, I don’t think Kanye’s the right man for you.

You should spend some time being single after a breakup - and after a divorce, in particular.

After a breakup, the best thing you can do for yourself is entirely counter-intuitive: spend more time alone. You probably don’t get much of that with your life as you’ve set it up, but trust me when I say that alone time is good for a person. To give you an example, one of America’s favorite pastimes is gardening, which involves a man or woman going outside, going into their own mental world, and working with the soil. If you were my daughter, I'd offer you a hoe and take you to the garden for some alone time. To quote our mutual friend, Oprah, finding the silence is one of the best ways to figure out how to make the best decisions.

You seem to spend too much time focusing on materialistic pleasures.

Finally, it’s terrific that you bought Kanye a new car to show him your love, but maybe a quiet walk in the park, instead, would have upped the intimacy between the two of you. This reminds me of when Jennifer Lopez sang “My Love Don’t Cost a Thing,” a proclamation that was difficult to believe as she wore a huge diamond necklace that spelled her name across her chest. When you have a lot of money, it’s certainly within your right to spend it. But just because you have it doesn’t mean you need to spend so much of it on materialistic possessions.

Charity will ground you.

Forbes says that you earn a gigantic income, which means that you could provide endless charity to needy groups. You could build schools that bring books to American or other towns that don’t have many; you could provide art and music classes to inner-city communities that have had their programs cut. I read that one poll suggested that you’re one of the most hated people in America. Giving money to needy people would make people like and respect you more. And not that this means anything to you, but I have no animosity toward you. I simply think that you have more spiritual potential than you’ve owned up to so far.

I wish for you therapy.

Who knows, maybe you already found a therapist you can talk to, someone who’s neutral and objective, and who is far removed from familiar or potentially toxic family influences. Having a space to talk about your life – unusual and big as it is – could make the difference between happiness or emotional emptiness in the future. But if you haven't found a good therapist yet, give one a try. You're clearly a disciplined, hard-worker, and you deserve it a real chance to be happy.