It's easy enough to bump into a jerk en route to finding a good romantic partner - you shouldn't curse yourself or your luck if you encounter one or two along the way. Your responsibility, however, is to avoid dating said jerk. Is there a foolproof method to avoid falling into a destructive relationship with someone who typifies a capital-j Jerk? The answer is yes, and the system is simple: call a spade a spade and simply walk away.

Before we go further, I must clarify that my definition of a jerk knows no gender bounds. Both women and men can meet the jerk criteria, which entails self-absorption, lack of consideration for another's feelings, and often a sanctimonious, holier than thou attitude. In other words, when you're in the company of a bona fide jerk, you often have the feeling that you can't quite measure up to him and his lofty standards. Yet focusing on these criteria bypasses a larger question: Why would anyone want to be with an a-hole? The answer, unfortunately, is more complex than the question.

As you sift through potential suitors, you inevitably come across some who are like you, and others who are not. Too often, people fall into the self-destructive pattern of being seduced by those who are different from themselves, and foolishly set off on a course to try to change them. Save yourself some misery and potential later feelings of humiliation and self-recriminations: run - don't walk - in the other direction.

Another destructive pattern that people fall into when they encounter a jerk out in the dating waters is to take the jerk's behavior as a reflection on them. Put bluntly, such logic betrays all sense. The jerk's behavior is exclusively a reflection on the jerk - that is, until you co-sign on the dating contract and decide to wait for the jerk to come around or to change. Whether you co-sign because you are inherently a fixer/wannabe-therapist or because you are wounded from earlier rejections, you are headed straight to romantic stagnation if you waste your time consorting with a jerk.

The next time you encounter a jerk in a romantic situation, walk away, vent about the experience to a friend, and give the next nice man or woman you meet a little extra attention. These behaviors, in the end, are the surest ways to leave the jerks behind and to open yourself up to the possibility of ending up with someone who is kind and good.