Constantly, I encounter the view that people become abusers because they were victims of abuse. This is part of a long standing conventional wisdom about the etiology of criminal behavior. But how true is it?
Offenders are often untruthful. After the fact, especially when being held accountable, they say whatever they believe will gain them a sympathetic ear and thereby minimize unpalatable consequences. They may claim they were abused when it never occurred.
Secondly, there are children who were abused by parents who are themselves criminals. But not all children who are abused turn to crime. Some become withdrawn, depressed, blame themselves, and so forth. There are, in other words, a variety of responses. Some formerly abused youngsters turn out to be responsible adults. Although they may bear emotional scars, they turn out to be model parents and are nurturing and attentive to their offspring. These are not the people who make the headlines.
A critical consideration is that, even as a young child, the criminal elicits certain responses from his environment depending on the choices he makes. As anyone with an antisocial child knows, life at home can be a nightmare. This child abuses others, notably his siblings and parents. Any family gathering may be ruined by this restless, dissatisfied youngster. The criminal as a child assaults his siblings, pits one against the other, steals from them and, in some instances, sexually abuses them. He is abusive of property in the home. As a child, the criminal turns nearly any request into a battleground, then cynically plays one parent against the other. He senses their vulnerability and tries to wear his parents down and wrest concessions. Is it any wonder that even the most patient parent becomes exasperated and, out of frustration, strikes his child who, subsequently, threatens to report the parent for child abuse. The focus then turns to the parent, away from the misconduct of the youngster.
The fact is that the criminal as a child has been abusing others from an early age. Anyone who interferes with what he wants, he singles out for abuse and then accuses that individual of abusing him. Only after the fact does he endeavor to enlist the sympathy of others, relating how he was a victim of terrible abuse. When one knows who the criminal is, he is able to get behind the self-serving stories and avoid confusing accountability statements with facts!
