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Human beings love to blame others for the current state of their affairs. It feels like the easy way out, doesn't it? ‘My home is a wreck and it's all your fault.' Or maybe it's because mom was a nagging neat freak. Or maybe it's because your kids never pick up after themselves. The list of culprits is endless. Ironically it's much easier and far more powerful to take responsibility for creating this less than perfect situation. Why? Because if you created it, you are the all-powerful one who can elect to create something better to replace it.
Before I go on I should make it clear that taking responsibility is not the same as being at fault. You aren't bad, stupid or shameful if your home isn't as organized as Martha Stewart's home is! (Martha of course has a staff.) I am not trying to put ‘blame' squarely on your shoulders. I'm asking you to go on a personal, emotional archeological dig to find out ‘why.' How was this present situation created? Why did it happen? I'm asking you to move from victim to boss; from powerless to in control. What have you got to lose except a lot of mental and emotional drama, upheaval and physical clutter? Of course if you like those things, far be it from me to disentangle you! As Dr. Phil likes to say: "How's that workin' for you?" Only you know for sure whether you enjoy this drama or if you are ready to take that ‘knapsack of crap' off your back.
Tools for the journey...
You'll need three things for our exploration: a notebook and a writing implement you enjoy using and time. I created a system of organizing I call ‘Zen Organizing.' My company slogan explains it best: Inner peace through outer order. I want you to live in an environment that nurtures and supports your best efforts. I'd like to see you leave behind the one that sabotages you at every turn. One of the tools I use is a journal and you won't be shocked to learn I refer to it as your Zen Organizer Journal. Whether it's the finest leather from Italy or a school notebook that costs a buck at the Dollar Store, the important factor is that you enjoy using it.
‘Lost time is never found again.' Ben Franklin
Some of you are saying to yourself: "I barely have time for the things I have to do now. Regina wants me to find time for writing exercises?! Get a real idea!" I understand how you feel. But I would bet cold, hard cash that some of your time is wasted and much of it goes into activities that have been foisted on you rather than into ones you actively chose and will prosper from. And I don't mean solely with monetary rewards. I'm talking about intangible rewards of raised self-esteem, joy and productivity. I'd like to share a paragraph from my first book The Zen of Organizing. It's the opening of Chapter 2 that is devoted to Time.
Your life is created by the way you use your time. The vast majority of people do not plan their path through life. Day-to-day activities and emergencies impact them and carry them from one hour to the next. The hours become days, the days turn into weeks, the weeks dissolve into months, and so on. These undirected humans are buffeted by time and its demands as if they had no say in the matter. Their passage through life reminds me of the graceful descent of autumn leaves to the ground. Leaves have no goal or target. The wind decides their fate. It is a poetic but meaningless journey. Periodically, someone will wake up from this self-imposed trance and wonder why his or her dreams have not been achieved. Anger, sorrow, and disappointment will reign for a few days and then the dance of denial continues.
Get ready in style
I'm here every month so there's no rush. Secure your journal and a writing implement. Find 10 to 15 minutes each month that you could devote to this work. Are you a morning person or a night person? Give yourself the gift of time when you are at your peak. We give social media, phone calls and television huge swaths of time. See what you can direct for this pursuit.
And while you're at it remember that simple things like sleep, good food, water and exercise will increase your ability to think clearly and make better decisions. You don't have to make sweeping changes before next month. If you aren't drinking eight 8 oz. glasses of water every day, start with one 16 oz. bottle. Carry it with you throughout the day until it's consumed. When I had to do six rounds of chemotherapy, I was not a water drinker myself. If I got 2 or 3 glasses down a day I felt lucky. But when you're on chemo, you have to flush out your system. Once I developed the habit, I never looked back. I will soon celebrate my 9th year as a survivor and I drink my eight glasses of water a day with ease.
Are you leading a sedentary life? Walk for 10 minutes a day. Do you have a dog? He'll love you even more if you ask him to accompany you. I am not asking you to join a gym or train for a marathon. (Although if you feel so moved, go for it!). I simply want to see you move. Yoga is a wonderful activity with positive physiological changes. Take a class and give it a try. (Start with a class to be sure you are doing the postures correctly).
Are you addicted to sugar? Try a few healthy snacks to start the process of reeducating your palette. I'm thinking of fruit and vegetable slices rather than chips, dip and candy. Learn to read labels. The contents of a so called ‘health food bar' may tell a different story than the ad campaign.
Rome was not built in a day.
When we set aside an afternoon or a weekend and say: "I'm going to organize the house this weekend!" we actually set ourselves up for potential and probably failure. Why? Because it took time to create the current state of affairs and it will take time to transform it. Be gentle and kind to yourself. It really is one step at a time.
If you feel super ready and don't want to wait for a monthly missive from me, begin reading One Year to an Organized Life. It's got step-by-step instructions that grew out of my experiences working with clients one-on-one for over a decade. I break every major area of the home into projects that transform the area and the way you function in it. I always begin with an investigation into why the current state came into being, what works and what doesn't. Along the way I share stories. I have no doubt you will recognize yourself in more than one. They are meant to encourage you. Everyone can get more organized. You don't have to become a professional organizer to succeed. Now it's time to find your notebook, writing tool and that precious 15 minutes of time. I will see you mid-May with more material for the journey to a Zen Organized life.
