Shrinks Are People Too: When Life Happens to a Therapist

As I write this, 500+ acres in the mountains surrounding my home are aflame. 1000 people have been evacuated, myself included. What a perfect opportunity to discuss the topic of therapeutic objectivity.

One area of psychotherapy that confuses and even upsets clients is its one-sided nature. Clients share their problems, therapists do not. Some clients wonder how therapy can be a real relationship if the information doesn't flow both ways. They may wonder if their therapist has experienced their same problem, or wonder what therapists do to cope with their own life issues. Or, perhaps the one-sided nature of therapy promotes a fantasy that therapists have no problems - that they are immune to the tragedies, misfortunes or bad moods suffered by the rest of the populace. Not true.

Therapists lose loved ones, have bad days and get evacuated from their homes just like everyone else. They cry, get angry, say stupid things and get grumpy. But they don't often bring this into the therapy session for a few reasons:

1. It's your time: Therapy is a place where clients should feel like their issues are the purpose and focus of the hour. Relationships with friends and family are more reciprocal - you help me with my problem and I'll help you with yours. In therapy, the only person you need to take care of is yourself. For many, this is the best part of therapy.

2. It's not the therapist's time: Therapists are compensated through fees and the satisfaction of a job well done, not through a two-way sharing of problems. I believe therapists should have their own therapy, supervision and/or consultation group to make sure they are not imposing their needs or issues onto their clients. These resources help therapists know what their issues are; the ones that could cause them to react out of a selfish need rather than in their client's best interest. And therapists should have their own support through friends or family so they don't find themselves looking to their clients.

3. Transference: Freud proposed (and many contemporary therapists maintain) the idea of a blank screen: the fewer personal details of the therapist known by the client, the more the client will project their needs and motives onto her. For example, a client is ambivalent about his girlfriend and the therapist hasn't shared her opinion. The client says "you want me to break up with her, don't you?" Why the client would assume this is rich material to explore.

Therapy is a real relationship, one that is based on care for the client. If our own life circumstances make it too difficult to maintain focus with our clients, we shouldn't come to work. If a client's particular issues push our own buttons in a way that could cause us to lose our objectivity, we should refer them to another therapist who will better serve them.

In my own case, I'm safe and optimistic that the brave firefighters will have this blaze under control soon. If this hardship or any other makes it difficult to do my job, I'll postpone sessions out of respect for my clients and my own needs. Some of my clients know I live in the fire zone, and if asked I'll let them know I appreciate their concern and that I'm safe and sound. And then it's back to our common purpose - helping them gain understanding and control in their life.