Do You Have the Guts to Change?

Starting On The Road to Change

I like to think that the human mind is similar to a kaleidoscope. Just as a kaleidoscope creates unique images based on the interplay of light, reflection and colors so do our brains by being exposed to a multitude of different experiences and inputs. As a result, our brains creates different neurological networks and connections that create our own unique perceptions about ourselves and others. A wonderful aspect of the brain is its plasticity which enables an ever changing and dynamic structure. Imagine with a mere twist of our emotional kaleidoscope we can free ourselves from old repetitive patterns and allow ourselves to respond in different ways. Imagine being able to turn a weakness into an asset with a mere twist. A once perceived weakness could be neurologically altered to become a strength.

But how does one go about achieving change? Much has been written on the subject as to why people so strongly resist change. Is it the feeling of discomfort when we twist our emotional kaleidoscope leading us to perceive the world differently? Or is it simply human nature for us to seek comfort instead of the unknown? In many ways it is easier to stay entrenched in the networks of our brain then to achieve change.

We might ask, “Why would anyone in the right mind want to change?” In my private practice, people come to my office primarily seeking relief. Some people are motivated to change because the level emotional discomfort is more painful to sustain than the perceived level of emotional discomfort they will experience as a result of change. Simply put, they are seeking relief from uncomfortable and painful feelings.

However, there are others who are interested in self discovery and desire to see themselves and the world through a different lens. How many of us in the field of psychology have chosen this field because of our own interest in understanding our own behavior and the behaviors of others? Not to say that there wasn’t an element of receiving emotional relief for ourselves that was also embedded into the career choice we made.

When you think of it, from the beginning of time man has questioned: Who am I?, Why am I here? And where am I going? Therefore, it seems inherent for man to want to make sense of himself and comprehend the world around him.

Which leads us to the question, ”How can we help ourselves and others to achieve freedom from old, destructive and repetitive behavior patterns?” Certainly we cannot force anyone to change. How often have we seen couples in our office that keep trying to change their partners or parents trying to change their children? Only to come upon a wall of determined refusal. The more force one uses to change another individual, the more intense the opposing force becomes. This results in feelings of stubbornness and an entanglement of bitterness in the web of communications. No, it is not the recommended course of action.

But if a twist of the emotional kaleidoscope is to be made, one must be able to create his or her own new perception of themselves and their surroundings. They alone must create this image within their emotional kaleidoscope.

How can we assist them on their path to change? It is only by creating a non-judgmental environment that both therapist and patient can, “be in the moment” and feel secure when expressing his or her feelings. A place where non-threatening questions and emotionally welcomed responses from the therapist will allow the patient to experience and create their own new imagery. It is only by helping the other person to create his or her own new emotional solutions that the individual will be able to free themselves from old patterns.

I am not necessarily recommending a deep introspection of the persons past but rather a supportive environment where patients are encouraged to discuss their perceptions of themselves and others. The therapist then acts as litmus paper for the individual's perceptions and then can help them correct flawed perceptions and assumptions they have about themselves. Eventually, new pathways and structures are formed within their brains that will give them the opportunity to imagine the once unimaginable.

©2010 Wanda Behrens Horrell, All Rights Reserved

www.wandabehrenshorrell.com

wjb60@columbia.edu