In the Trenches

Re: Signing permission forms for parents to talk to profs, etc...
Half of going to college is learning how to dig yourself out of messes... Parents had 18 years to do it - let the children learn how to do it now.

oops! accidentally sent that twice

oops! accidentally sent that twice

I have several comments.

The author asserts "Children who received educational or psychological services throughout high school are at risk." This is not clear to me. Is she saying that ALL children who received services are at risk or is she stating remediation, accommodations and psychological services received in secondary school are unhelpful, ineffective and useless? I personally would differ with the author as my experience and that of others suggests that this is false.

"In addition, children with poor organizational skills, learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder, anxiety disorders, mood disorders such as depression, and drug and alcohol abuse." This is not a sentence and therefore is unintelligible.

"Failing grades, unanswered phone calls, isolation, changes in behavior, reluctance to discuss grades, use of alcohol and drugs should be red flags to parents that danger is ahead." This is not a future danger but rather a clear and present one.

"4. Academic difficulties. Areas of concern: organization of time, reading, mathematics, note taking, writing reports, verbal skills, and foreign languages." This does not appear to be a step but rather a non-actionable, incomplete and jumbled list of some basic academic skills and fields of study; in addition, this is not a sentence.

It appears to me that this blog was hastily written as it displays neither thought nor insight. Additionally, the author is suggesting that parents should violate the child's privacy and maintain strict and rigid controls, rather than allowing him or her to benefit from the university experience. I agree with both Rachel and Anonymous.

I completely disagree with all these comments. I think that college has become very expensive and parents have the right to know where they're money is going. As a father of 3 college students, I have helped guide them through their college experiences while giving them the space to learn from their own mistakes. Clearly, none of you understand this article. Also, we cannot just throw our kids into the real world, it is called an adjustment period people. And a freshman in college is still very young and NEEDS some guidance. I personally think you all should read the article again or you should question your own parenting techniques.

There's a great book about a teen girl going off to college and then being diagnosed with anxiety disorder. It's called I Don't Want to Be Crazy by Samantha Schutz. It's an important read for teens (or parents of teens) who are preparing to make the transition to college. www.samanthaschutz.net

"This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities--freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she reveled in the independence--but as pressures increased, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated. Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir."

If you are looking for seriously helpful advice for entering college, some articles that address BOTH students' needs and parent's concernes can be found in today's (Sunday July 26, 2009) New York Times Education Life section several articles, none of which are based on the premises underlying this article which is that most children are likely to get in trouble in college and that parents have a right to violate their adult child's privacy. The author wrote, "
8. Permission forms and insurance. Have your child sign a form that will give you permission to speak to college professors, administrators and mental health professionals. Without your child’s expressed permission the college is not allowed by law to release any confidential information about your child. You will not receive failure warnings or grades as you once did in high school. If your child refuses to sign a release form reconsider paying for college. Purchase a tuition reimbursement insurance policy."

In other words, CONTROL YOUR CHILDREN BY FORCING THEM TO GIVE UP THEIR PRIVACY, OR IN OTHER WORDS, BRIBE THEM WITH YOUR MONEY; IF THEY DO NOT GIVE UP THEIR RIGHT TO PRIVACY, THE PARENT SHOULD NOT PAY FOR THEIR TUITION.

For alternative, healthier approaches, see, for example, "Advice from those who have been there, done that; "College Life: Hold the Frat and Frills;" and "Freshman Year's Seven Deadly sins."

This post worries me; I wonder if she treated her own children in keeping with her own advice. What a terrible form of control, indicating a lack of trust in the parents' successful socialization until that point.

I am a college student, and my roommate, who received educational services, was a complete disaster when I lived with her. She did not go to classes and she attempted to hurt herself more than once. I had to call her parents due to their lack of involvement in her college life and her parents had to come to our school to take care of her. I really think certain people on this blog should think before they write, because apparently some of you do not know what you are saying, AKA Caryn. I am worried about your children. I hope they dont experience what my roommate experienced