In the Name of Love

A philosopher looks at our deepest emotions

Why a Lover's Touch Is So Powerful

Touch plays a crucial role in generating and enhancing love. People feel more satisfied in a relationship in which physical affection is a significant part. Should the touch of love be exclusive? Read More

Don't touch me

I don't like to be touched by most people and especially by strangers. I feel like it is invading my personal space. I also absolutely do not like people using terms of endearment with me. Things like calling me hun or dear when I am not their significant other. I think it is extremely inappropriate.

I want to thank my father for making me this way with the daily beatings I got as a child.

Oh Neil

I'm so sorry.

I call people hon and dear all the time that I don't know. It's because I genuinely like people and I feel that if all of humanity treated each other as kin, we could create a better world. I am studying to become a touch therapist for folks with PTSD from abuse. I wish you peace. It must have been awful. I will try to remember what you said and be more sensitive to strangers about calling them terms of endearment. I hope that you can one day lock the past in a concrete box and dump it in the Marianas Trench. Life is short, Neil. Feel the grass beneath your now feet. Point your eyes on tomorrow. And know that to some people, you ARE dear. Just because you are.

I don't like it when women I

I don't like it when women I don't know touch me.

They are just trying to manipulate me and get something for free.

Touch is a powerful manipulation tool and we have to be aware of it.

.

Ah, why do you leap to the

Ah, why do you leap to the assumption the other people have such nefarious ulterior motives? One of Ruiz' 4 Agreements is: "Don't assume." Maybe you're projecting? (Note I said "maybe," not you are.)

Too little, too late

When my husband and I were in the beginning of discussing a divorce, I remember him plaintively telling me that he thought we could fix things if we just did more things together. I so clearly remember sitting there thinking...I just wanted you to touch my hair.

The hair on your head?

The hair on your head?

no affection from my husband either.

I relate to your comment. My husband does not touch me. Many times i told him how that makes me feel..I feel like the ugliest woman in the world even tho people have always called me pretty. I get nothing from him. He says he has always been this way. Do you think this is a reason for divorce?

I agree..

I agree with you. Lack of touch can make us feel unloved. I hate it when my husband will only touch me if he wanted to have sex, seriously i hate it!

It can be even more intense

It can be even more intense for some people. Those who are identified as HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), touch is an even more intimate thing than normal. Something as simple as a hug, can hurt, or can be more intimate and connecting than sex for the average person. I don't hug because of this. It is too close, too intimate, and there is a level of emotional pain that actually becomes physical in the knowledge that, to the other person, it is a very casual act. A hug, from me, is a very special gift. All forms of physical contact are similar to this. So, I avoid them. It is sometimes very painful to be in a world where one cannot have the small comfort of a brief touch, and lonely to know that amongst those you feel close enough and safe enough to, it does not mean a level of closeness to them, that it means to you.

My husband's touch

When my husband and I argue and he puts his arms around me I know that everything will be OK. I love it when he touches me and he does it often. He always holds me when we sleep and gives me the loveliest hugs when we haven't seen each other. I'm lucky that my husband is my lover and I love touching him too and seeing how any disagreement melts away with touch. We are expecting the first of our offspring and I find it incredible how our little one responds to his daddy touching my bump.

I enjoy physical contact and

I enjoy physical contact and being touched by people who are authentic and affectionate. I am rarely offended by people touching me. The usual hand shake, hug and kisses on the cheek are wonderful. I've even had women and gay men pinch my bum which I thought was very amusing and quite a compliment. The biggest problem with touch is that from someone who is manipulative, sadly this is usually from women who want something from me. I can gauge their attitude before they are even close. The worst thing is women using me for sex and lying about it. This has happened to me and it was horrible. I think the deception was worse than the being used for sexual gratification, probably because it was difficult to maintain a healthy emotional boundary. I still enjoy touch but I am much more aware of inauthentic people.

Dear God, I pray that you can

Dear God, I pray that you can reconcile my relationship with Jayne so that we can be a happy family and raise our son with love together. I pray that love, faithfulness, compassion, attraction and understanding will be the basis for our relationship. I pray that we are supported in this and that outside interference is gone. I pray that we forgive each other, love each other and come together in perfect timing. I have suffered greatly due to this event in my life. I pray for a miracle from God to heal and reconcile our relationship. Thank you

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • You may quote other posts using [quote] tags.

More information about formatting options

Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., former President of the University of Haifa, is Professor of Philosophy. His books include: In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and its Victims.

more...

Subscribe to In the Name of Love

Current Issue

Let It Go!

It can take a radical reboot to get past old hurts and injustices.