In the Name of Love

A philosopher looks at our deepest emotions

What Do Lovers Really Want?

Lovers want to be with each other, but in what kind of relationship do they aspire to be? Would they prefer to be in one profound loving relationship all their lives or would they prefer many short intense romantic relationships? The answer is not clear. Read More

I would prefer a long and

I would prefer a long and profound love. I'm 44 and haven't had that yet, and some days, I start to feel I may never have it. I was married for 10 years, but that was not profound or meaningful, although I learned from it. I would prefer a few short relationships to none at all, and sometimes you have to have a few short relationships to find your long and profound one (kissing a lot of frogs first). But ultimately, my preference is for the long and profound relationship.

long and profound love

I am a long and profound love woman. I'm 44 and haven't married yet, and some days, I start to feel I gave up my profound love for reasons society frowned apon. I have been a long relationships, of which two was profound and meaningful, but he was much younger and I felt I was holding him 'back' and broke it off - only to discover 3 years later, I still love him. The other was when I was younger and he much older and his need to start a family outweighed my need for 'freedom' and travel.
I learned from it and have had short relationships. I agree with Kim that sometimes you have to have a few short relationships to find your long and profound one (kissing a lot of frogs first just like Kim said!)
Ultimately I feel people either grow towards each other or away form each other. I also feel there is sometimes no control over the direction of growth due to so many internal and external factors. People inherently long for the long and profound relationship - and understanding ourselves - makes for better relationships. We hope.

I know what I would rather;

I know what I would rather; to be in one profound loving relationships all of my life over many short intense romantic relationshops.

Above all...

The article is really realistic. However, above all, lovers actually must see to their needs before wants. Their biggest need is to know the meaning of love, which certainly cannot differ from lover to lover. True love is steady, does not increase or decrease with achievements/positive points and losses/negative points, and features a flawless vision. This is beautifully explained at
http://www.dadabhagwan.org/scientific-solutions/relationship/true-love-i...

Definitely one profound

Definitely one profound loving relationship.

At this moment, both

I have enjoyed one profound love for over 30 years. It has been meaningful and fulfilling and at its core, essential and life affirming. It continues to be that way and we do not see an end to it. However, after these many years, and through our continued openness and communication, we realize that one of us needs the intense romantic dalliances for enjoyment. We have decided to pursue it and have walked through each step together. Immediate happiness and a sense of freedom has ensued and we are more content now than before. Yes, these short term relationships have caused some negative impact and angst but we keep talking and exploring and working through it together. And thus far, our profound love has only grown deeper and we now enjoy intense romantic moments together ourselves.

One love of your life

I meet the love of my life when I was 18, was together for 17 years then we split three years ago. Since I have been single and have only had short flings that have lasted a few months. I have just been messed around and used. No love or real connection. It's tough sometimes. But a lot of people force it as they don't want to be alone.

Meaningful.

Exactly.
I have a past with many short relationships. After a time you start to feel horribly empty inside... Very depressing way to live.

The overwhelming urge almost all of us have is to share in a partnership, have our own team, to know someone always has your back and to not live a lonely life.
When in frivolous relationships, you discard them when too many issues arise. IMO the reason the too many issues arise is because you chose that mate NOT thinking about compatibility, only lust and novelty. These relationships are more often volatile, irritating and melodramatic. Superficial choices do not get you more than a momentary thrill.
Having a love-life of inner peace is so rewarding... I have found the love of my life recently, and a gentle smile is on my face when I see her at the end of the day or if she drops in at work. It is profoundly the best feeling I have ever known. :)
I love you K!

I would prefer a long-lasting

I would prefer a long-lasting and loving relationship. I am in the point in my life where all I desire is a long-lasting relationship. I have had the short-term flings, long-term dating without commitment, and short relationships (3-6months) and it is emotionally painful for me. It is the uncertainty that you will never find the one and that you will be lonely. I probably have other problems, but I think the security that a long-term relationship provides is essential to living a full life with your partner.

I've always wanted a long

I've always wanted a long term love even after I divorced but I am open & considering short relationships because relationships are hard!

I've always wanted a long

I've always wanted a long term love even after I divorced but I am open & considering short relationships because relationships are hard!

Love that Lasts.

I'm only 22, but I've always considered myself a hopeless (or hopeful?) romantic in a lot of ways. I also love my relationships to be full of laughter, excitement, and passion. I am surrounded, it seems, by failed marriages or ones that exist between two people that seem miserable. I'm in a serious relationship, and I want it to last. But I don't know if I believe that love can really last, which is a difficult thought to be having as I start to think about building a life and a family someday. This is a great article, and it gives me hope to read that love lasts more often than we think (and that there are studies to show it is even better - I'm a research kinda girl). I wish more people with successful marriages would tell their stories; please post! :)

I'm a 20 year-old student and

I'm a 20 year-old student and I think that a profound love is a bit restricting but brings long-term calmness to one's life and this may compensate for the reduced instantaneous happiness present in a series of consecutive short-term relationships. So, the payoff would indeed favour the side of a profound long-term love.

Nope

"I'm a 20 year-old student and I think that a profound love is a bit restricting but brings long-term calmness to one's life"

Dude, I'm in my 50s and no it doesn't. Sorry to burst your bubble.

I think some people are

I think some people are suited to longterm love with one partner and some are not. Some people have unrealistic expectations, others are too neurotic, others may have difficulty in always eating the same cuisine day after day after day after day. I mean, even in music I could never really stick with playing or even listening to one style...

relashionship short term

I desired to have one companion for life. However, I feel that I have fail with all my previous relationships. But, did learned to distrust woman in general simply by their behavior toward me and other man. Of course there are bad man out there as well. I am what they call "a nice guy" I am not saying all woman are bad that all. I just feel I make poor choices. So I am in a self analysis to see what do I need to change to find more happiness with a partner if I ever going to have one. I am happy who I am and if I find a true partner, it would be like ice on the cake as they said. I don't need to have children to fulfill my life and I don't follow the main stream. So I will continue to be interesting for me as I move along in life.

Gian

i have been blessed to have both.

Happily married for 22 years, enjoying hot attention of a few lovers as well. All good men, and I love them thoroughly.

For a time I thought that

For a time I thought that short intense relationship would be fine for me. But today I just can`t bear it anymore. I think that when something is really good and for an unjustifiable reason not enduring, it may leave a sense of emptiness that it is difficult to find the real worth of it. I`ve heard that when you find the one, you feel it in your heart and have no doubts. Maybe, it`s the best thing we can believe in while not in a profound long term relationship.

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Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D., former President of the University of Haifa, is Professor of Philosophy. His books include: In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and its Victims.

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