Why Does Greater Freedom Increase the Need for Romantic Compromises?

"Too many women throw themselves into romance because they're afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won't do that." Julie Delpy

"You don't live in a beautiful place, And you don't dress in the best of taste, And nature didn't give you such a beautiful face, But baby, you got what it takes." Marv Johnson

In what follows, I will argue in support of the following seemingly non-intuitive claims:
(1) Compromises are mainly concerned with what one does not have and not with what one has;
(2) Greater freedom increases the need for romantic compromises;
(3) Modern lovers experience both greater frustration and greater love.
All these claims make the life of modern lovers much more complex.

(1) What is a compromise?
A compromise can be characterized by the following conditions:
• A person perceives an alternative situation as better than her current one;
• The better situation is available and can in principle be achieved by this person,
• The person gives up the attempt to obtain this situation.
It can be noticed that compromise is not characterized in absolute terms of "good" and "bad" but in relative terms of "better" and "worse." Moreover, the focus of concern in compromise is not upon the person's bad situation but upon an apparently better alternative. The problematic aspect in compromising is not so much dissatisfaction with what you have, but rather the inability to attain an apparently available alternative.
A monk who decides to avoid seeing people outside the monastery does not make any compromise, as he sees no other alternative that is of greater value than the one he has chosen. A young man who marries his next-door neighbor and not Bill Clinton's daughter is not making any compromise since Chelsea is not available to him anymore. And if this man was not aware of the existence of any other attractive alternative open to him, he cannot be described as deciding to relinquish this alternative and hence again cannot be described as making a compromise.
Like envy, compromise is directed at an external alternative (in envy, it is something that someone else has; in compromise, it is something that the agent could have), but the focus of concern of both is the agent's own state (in envy, the agent's inferiority; in compromise, the agent's potentially better situation).

(2) Does freedom reduce the need for compromise?
Freedom is the ability to choose between many alternatives, while compromises involve limiting our choice-the alternative we end up with is not the one we really want to choose. Hence, greater freedom of choice would, or so it seems, reduce the need for compromises. However, if main concern of a compromise is the presence of available alternatives, then a greater number of alternatives will increase the need to compromise-since one cannot have them all. When you are stuck in a bad situation to which you have no alternative, you may be sad, but as there is not much you can do about it; you simply have to accept to the situation. In these circumstances, you cannot make a compromise as there are no available, valuable alternatives from which you can choose. Therefore, greater freedom actually increases the need for compromise.
The above considerations are compatible with the claim that the comparative concern is central in emotions. This concern encompasses the mental construction of an alternative situation. Indeed, a crucial element in emotions is the imagined condition of "it could have been otherwise."

(3) Are modern lovers more satisfied with their romantic situation?
In modern times, people are required to make more compromises as the opportunities are almost limitless and there are many success stories of people who refused to compromise and were able to improve their situation considerably. The prevalence of such stories makes it harder for other people to compromise.
Modern lovers are enjoying greater freedom and greater alternatives as never before in history. This is due to two major developments: (i) the lifting of most of the constraints that once prevented long-term committed relationships from dissolving, and (ii) the presence of many attractive alternatives that offer the promise of replacing any given committed romantic relationship. Nowadays, leaving a committed relationship and starting a new one is easier. Staying within a committed relationship has become a more difficult option-one that requires the partners to constantly reexamine the value of their relationship and to make compromises.
New circumstances such as these make the lives of modern lovers more complex. They face not only constant doubts about which road to take, but also constant regret about the many roads not taken. The abundance of alternatives and the perpetual possibility of getting something "better" can undermine commitment.
The greater alternatives may help many people find their love, but will frustrate many other people who would be better off compromising on their existing relationship, even if it does not fulfill their dreams. While the greater amount of alternatives force people to compromise more, their very existence make such compromises harder to endure as the alternatives can seem so much better and so available.
The gap between the actual and the possible can never be bridged. Accordingly, the realm of possible alternatives becomes a tyrannical force, keeping one from being satisfied with what one has. When many attractive alternatives are available, settling for one's lot is extremely difficult. Such "making do" can be considered as an unworthy compromise.

(4) What is next?
An endless search for a better alternative brings frustration and misery rather than happiness. Similarly, continual envy quickly makes us miserable. In both cases, settling for one's lot is an important way to achieve more profound happiness. However, if you compromise and accept something much less than your dream demands, it can ruin your happiness as well.
Settling for your own lot, which is probably the most significant feature of happiness, is advantageous within certain boundaries. It is extremely valuable to find the boundaries of your own personal comfort zone. A new alternative has the advantage of being more exciting; however, such an alternative lacks the advantage of familiarity and friendship, which are also part of romantic love and are typically enhanced as time passes.
Modern lovers who have many alternatives from which to choose might be more satisfied with their love, but will have hard times coping with the need to avoid other alternatives and to avoid seeing their current relationship as an inferior or temporary compromise.
The above considerations can be encapsulated in the following statement that a lover might express: "Darling, although there are so many tempting alternatives around the corner, in our relationship the best is yet to come."