In the Name of Love

Thanks for the article. I really liked the idea of complementation as a form of conflict resolution. Conflict is rarely caused by just one party and therefore it cannot be resolved without the active involvement of both parties. I do a fair amount of divorce mediation and the level of communication and compromise between partners with long term marriages is sometimes disturbingly low. I believe that our role as a partner is to support the other is personal growth and complementation supports that idea.

I agree with Kathy. Complementing is the 'more than" that can really enhance a relationship. What seems important here is that this type of discussion revolves around "values"(these are things like safety, independence, collaboration, fun, variety to name a few) rather than "strategies" (these are things like being walked to the car after the show, choosing one's career, working on the project together, playing golf or having a holiday somewhere different every year). When we really get in touch with our own values or needs then a raft of strategies to meet those values opens up in front of us. We can then invite our partner to hear what we love about these values that we hold dear and hear about what is important to them. Complementary strategies then have an opportunity to unfold within this space. As a NVC mediator I see how connecting at the level of values opens our hearts and from this complementary options arise.