In the Name of Love

A Philosopher Looks at Our Deepest Emotions

Aaron Ben-Zeév is President and Professor of Philosophy at the University of Haifa. His books include: In the Name of Love: Romantic Ideology and its Victims. See full bio

December 5, 2008, Relationships

Comments on "What Has Politeness To Do With Love?"

What Has Politeness To Do With Love?

By Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. on December 5, 2008 in In the Name of Love

Politeness does have a role to play in loving relationships where one partner's can hurt the other with hasty words and careless behavior. However, in light of the great role of spontaneity, directness, sincerity, and profoundness in love, politeness is of lesser importance here than it is in many other types of relationships. Read More

Agree to Disagree

Submitted by Rebecca on December 6, 2008 - 11:00pm.

Dear Dr. Ben Zeev:
Thank you for this interesting topic. I agree that maintaining reciprocity in expressing respect for each other in a relationship is very important. However, how does one tackle serious subjects with a significant other, such as hygiene and unsatisfactory sexual performance, without hurting the others' feelings? I find that worrying about hurting anothers' feelings and attempting to formulate courteous discussion takes too much of my time and so, I tend to try to bring up subjects jokingly or straight to the point.
How does one work on being sensitive when I really have no patience for stupid people?
Thanks for your time.

Taking a moderate attitude

Submitted by Aaron Ben-Zeév, Ph.D. on December 7, 2008 - 8:13pm.

Dear Rebecca, I can see your difficulties in trying not to hurt the feelings of other people and at the same time being straight and sincere. The situations we are facing in life are complex and there are no golden rules to solve this complexity. However, taking a moderate attitude is often a key for finding the optimal balance.