I am struck by how research focuses on individual traits for relationship problems, often with little benefit in improving relationship problems. The murderer in his testomony seems to be noting that relationship problems can lead to emotional decision making. Unfortunately, research has focused much more on business decision making than on marital decision making (power struggles).

In my book Crumbling Commitment: Managing a Marital Crisis, I focus on helping couples to use effective decision making when faced with one or both partners having an uncertain commitment to their marriage. I believe that such information can help couples to avoid violence that springs from desperate pursual of change.

You mention some interesting issues in this and previous articles. And you made me think about N. Peseschkian's postulate that too much of a good virtue enables mental perturbation.

But I have some questions on somethings I haven't totally understood. According to your last points, namely (a) and (b) it could not be a momentaneous "click" of, for instance, finding a wife in bed with someone else? You say that is least likely to happen, correct?

Point (d) isn't clear for me. Maybe something I read here wasn't assimilated. But, my simplist and maybe even reductionist question is: if it is a process, why shouldn't or can't it be the ending of family aggression process?

One last point, if I may. Your study is limited to one single culture (eventhough it's one that has people from all accross the world). Do you think a cross-cultural research could find different conclusions?

Thank you!

I would like to share my experience with the people concern and seek help to resolve it.

I love my wife and she loves me too....But very frequently, the fight between us will be very ferosious. Main reason behind this fight is useless talks of my wife. We are know one of us should shut down so as to end the fight between two. I always try to shut my mouth because whatever she talks is rubbish. But she always pull me and does not even give time for me to keep quite. She starts using abusing words and talks nonsense like" she spoiled her life because of me" and many more. It looks like she enjoys irritating me and she behaves as if she has a vengence on me. Small issues is becoming big and it has gone to the extent of divorce. By heart we both are not very far to take divorce but to avoid these kind of fights i feel divorce is the weapon. It actually looks like a immatured couple running a life with two kids but it is the reality.

How to resolve this kind of problem where in when wife say whatever she say is correct, when wife is a critic of the husband.

can anyone help

We tend to justify our "evil" behavior afterwards. I know this guy believes he loved his wife, and since love can be an extremely powerful instinctual reaction, it is hard to say how much control he had over himself. Since his perception of her was not of an individual, but that of a general woman, as mentioned in his biblical quote, that was not too different from all the rest, it is hard to say whether he loved her, desired her, or felt like he had a permanent claim over her.
Love, real love using both thought and emotion, is knowing and appreciating the individual for who and what they are. He viewed her at that time as merely a thing, and a thing that was a dime a dozen. A bad thing. A curse, a burden, a pain that had to be relieved for his sake. Unfortunately he couldn't admit to himself until afterwards just how much she meant to him, when he removed her from his life.
And just like a child, wants us to be more concerned with his emotional pain, then the pain he inflicted on the one he "loved".
Ex: My nephew, Oscar (4), punched his brother (2), and was caught by my brother, his father. Immediately after punching his brother, Oscar started crying like he just fell down a flight of stairs. Why was he crying? To alleviate guilt. Not his guilt he was feeling, but the guilt that others were going to place on him. We like to do what we want, but as a species we are still rusty on accepting blame and consequences. We also have a terrible habit of turning humans into obstacles or undesirable subject matter.

My diagnosis; love doesn't make people stupid, stupid people in love can be extremely dangerous.

my thoughts are if you are going to leave a man.....leave while he is gone and do not tell him before hand. Go with the clothes on your back and take the children with the clothes on their back. Just go. Then get a lawyer to deal with him. If you know he is unstable.......go,go,go