The intensity of love expressed by true soulmates arises out of deep memory within their hearts It is of a divine order beyond the ordinary experience of emotional attachment. I would like to recommend my latest book, Divine Complement: The Spiritual Terrain of Soulmate Relationships

Actually, I love romantic ideology since it's the fodder for much of my (admittedly) soggy, love saturated poetry. But I seem to do okay in reality when it comes to love by rejecting just the romantic ideology that gets the crowd going at a spoken word reading. It comes down to this: I've met several wonderful people who I'd consider my soulmates--having never had a romantic or intimate relationship with them. The connected, transcendant experience of meeting someone who identifies with you on such personal levels it almost seems spiritual happens in business partnerships, in family connections, and with close friends. It's important to have that connectivity with others because I think it strengthens our support network, improves quality of life, funds inspiration to our livelihoods. I have to say that perhaps the pervasive quality of this ideology is the very blood that sustains it. Almost at once, from a very young age we conceptualize love by what it can do for us: children are inherently selfish. Into childhood, this ideology is furthered with Disneyation: the ubiquitous prince charming and his witty beloved. Into high school and beyond with the music, the novels, the television dramas, the moviess. Into adulthood we cart this megaload of wonderful sweet nothings until we finally (hopefully) bump our heads enough times to realize that romantic love is active and challenging, progressive and regressive, and not all powerful. Sure, it takes a while to assimilate the reality, but you're right, giving up the fantasy makes reality that much more satisfying.

I think your promotion of anti-romanticism is just as harmful as the romantic ideology could potentially be, so it's a truce. Studies have shown that people who hold belief in a 'soul mate'/true love will have more short-lived relationships (with those who they presumably do not feel are 'the one'), however they will be much more likely to have a hardy and long-lasting relationship that REMAINS together when they feel they are with their 'soul mate.' Conversely, people who do not believe in a soul mate will have signfigantly longer relationships on average, but those relationships will not last over great spans. If you argue that anti-romanticism is equivalent to 'realism,' which thereby also equivalent to 'not being too picky/settling for what you've got,' rather than holding an ideal image of love, then count me out! That is a recipe for dissatisfaction and complacency. Any mindset, though never wholly realistic, is necessary for upholding personal standards, committed attitudes, and binding contracts such as marriage. I think that a romantic ideology is therefore crucial, and to dispute it as unrealistic is missing the point.

Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I agree that the situation is complex and Romantic Ideology has various types of impact upon the duration of romantic relationship. The conclusion of my book, In the Name of Love, is therefore that Romantic Ideology should be more flexible and while we should adopt some of its basic principles we should revise some others. I do not promote anti-romanticism; on the contrary—the last sentence of my book is "Love has made an impressive comeback. And rightly so."

I couldn't agree more with Prof. Aaron Ben-Zeév.
By the way, the quote "like The North Star guides us through choppy seas and from distant shores, never to be reached, but valuable nonetheless." is familiar to me. I would like to know the reference of it. Thank you!