Hi, I just read through your posts and wanted to say I really appreciate them. It's rare to find a mainstream source talking about non-monogamous relationships in a way that goes beyond: "gosh, some people have more than one lover, how odd."

Thanks, and I'll check out your book.

Before Valentine day, I received a e-mail from a friend, who said in the e-mail that he loves me dearly. But unfortunately, I had a boyfriend at that time and could not break the relationship with my boyfriend. Therefore, I told this man to go away and please do not disturbed me. But he got upset when I told him that I he did not like me. But on Valentine Night, when I was at home siting with my boyfriend, and having our romantic night dinner. There was a phone ring, coming from the living room. I came to answered the phone, and I was surprise to hear the voices on the phone, which appears to be the man who wrote to me. He was a friend of mine, since my old job. He like me, but I have no feeling for him.

But he told me on the phone, that He will out with a woman on Valentine night and then came back and told me, that he loved me dearly and tenderly. I could not believe the words I was hearing. I never before see anyone so dumb as to tell me that they went on a date with another woman, then come back to told me about the events. I believe that to be incredible story and so foolish. When I try to question him, he hang up the phone and never answered the phone and does not matter how much times I try to call. No one answered the phone. I was so angry at him for blaming stuff on me and playing trick on me. I want to know why this guy will tell me his story, but won't let me question him. Please could you helped me understand more about the nature of the problem, in which I have entail in the following statement above.

A problem with jealous relationships is that people tend to view the other person as a piece of themselves, instead of two people coming together to share eachothers intimacy and love. Unfortunately there was jealousy in my past relationship, and it comes to an abnormal level when the other person feels suffocated. I notice those who are secure with themselves have less of a problem with jealousy, since they treasure their own life as much as their spouses.

HoaDep, you should try asking your question on other sites on the internet since I notice this one is mainly for responding to articles.

It's great that you address jealousy this way. However, let me suggest exclusivity is not at the heart of jealousy, as you wrote, but rather insecurity is. Jealousy, I propose, is best seen as a fear-based, special form of insecurity about being replaced, and/or, devalued in a love or a false love relationship. Jealousy often comes from insufficient healthy self love. People low in healthy self love are those most easily and greatly effected by jealousy. I agree jealousy is likely to devolve out of our collective psyche because it usually works against the relationship lasting. Also, it seems jealous people lose at love more and more as freedom in society grows. In medieval times in the French Courts of Love jealousy was seen as proof of love. This is directly opposite to the teachings of the Apostle Paul who wrote "Love is not jealous". Paul was right, real healthy love is not jealous, but insecurity is.