In the Face of Adversity

The importance of resilience

Talking About What We Need To Talk About

Communication is hard, especially when talking about painful events.

Jim another character in Reaching Home is a truck driver.  He has made a lot of friends on the road.  He is a likeable guy. It seems to Jim he has been driving all his life.  He started when he came back from Vietnam.  Moving around seemed to be the only thing that helped him relax. 

Jim got married when he came back.  He had a child.  He got divorced. He hasn't seen his child in years.  He has grandchildren he has never seen.  Jim doesn't talk much about these things.  He never talks about Vietnam.  He is still carrying the war around with him.

Now in his late fifties, the driving has gotten harder.  He is partially disabled from Vietnam and only has about 20% usage of his legs. They bother him more now, but he tries not to think about this or about what the future will be. He has his truck, a fire-engine red Peterbilt 379, and his partner, Ben.

Jim has many of the skills and attitudes of resilience that have allowed him to survive Vietnam and to make a life for himself upon returning.  He connects with others, at least in a superficial way.  He has friends, as long as the friendships are on his terms and the friends don't cross into areas where he doesn't want to go.  Jim is like a lot of men.  He stuffs his feelings very deep.  He doesn't talk about the things that he probably should talk about.

In the story Reaching Home, a snowstorm forces him and his partner, Ben, to stop driving for the night.  They are at Bambi's and meet Jim's old friend, Millie, whom he has known for years.  Tonight she has asked a favor of Jim.  Can he give a ride to a guy who is down on his luck?  He needs a ride to Boston. It's against company policy, but Jim doesn't always go by company policy.

Communication is hard, especially when it means talking about things that are painful and talking with those whom you are closest to, such as your family, your partner, your child.  Communication on this level is critical to building and maintaining resilience.



Subscribe to In the Face of Adversity

Ron Breazeale, Ph.D., is the author of Duct Tape Isn’t Enough: Survival Skills for the 21st Century as well as the novel Reaching Home.

more...