Being You – Even When You'd Rather Not

My computer went down yesterday. It just shut off in the middle of the project. The whir of the fan quieted. The screen buzzed and went black and no amount of plugging and unplugging and rebooting would get it going again.

So, I called my computer guy. Then I started cussing. And blaming. And whining. And obsessing. For about 30 minutes all the personal development techniques I know, all the spiritual practices I use, were forgotten so that I could freak out over the computer breakdown.

I'm not saying this coping strategy is wise or even effective. Cussing at inanimate objects doesn't show a whole lot of wisdom or grace. But, this kind of impatience is a part of who I am. No matter how much knowledge and self-understanding I have, once in awhile this less-than aspect of my character seeps out and clutters things up.

I don't like these moments where my head (and behavior) seems so disconnected from my heart. The heart is where the peace, tolerance, and calm reside when it's not being suffocated by the intolerance, irrationality, irritation that is also a part of me and a product of my thought patterns. It's uncomfortable to acknowledge these weaknesses, to see my imperfections. But, as much as I am put off by these character flaws, I'm interested in them too. They show me all of who I am.

It's easy to live authentically with love and peace and confidence when the checks are arriving on time, and my husband helps out by folding the clothes, and my daughter sleeps through the night and makes it to the bus with matching shoes on.

But, what does authenticity look like when the computer blows, or the child throws a fit, or the account is overdrawn?

Being authentic is about being real and self-aware enough to know what real looks like - even when it's ugly and immature, hurt and messy. Authenticity requires courage too, because when you do see all that is the fabric of your being, you must be willing to explore and accept it.

Not many people are brave enough to do this. This, after all, is the epitome of accountability and we live in a culture that would rather fix, alter, avoid, hide, deny, and blame others for the things that reflect poorly on us. We make excuses for our flubs and flaws.

This approach - this denial of self - actually sabotages your greatest potential. When you stifle an aspect of yourself -- even one that is less-than ideal, you become stuck, insecure, restless, and on some level, afraid of being found out. Instead of working with your talents, you focus on trying to hide your weaknesses.

But, when you stop to acknowledge what emerges from you when the computer breaks or other annoyances show up, then you no longer have to hide. You no longer have to cuss out a computer either. You can see that your weaknesses, mistakes, failures and imperfections are there to serve you. You can learn from them, grow from them, and move toward something better. With this awareness you can then decide to do it differently next time the computer breaks down or the cat walks across the carpet with muddy paws.

According to a study out of Michigan State University, people who believed that they could learn from their mistakes actually did better after blowing it, said Jason Moser, one of the researchers.

That can work for us too. The less-than aspects of ourselves aren't something we necessarily have to fix. When we know and accept what they are, we can consciously choose to live with them differently. We can be accountable for them and make changes if we decide. We can move forward authentically instead of hiding from who we are.