I Can Relate

The joys and challenges of relating with others.

Embrace Your "Ugly Sexy"

We can be intensely attracted to people who aren't considered "beautiful" by evolutionary psychology standards, and this tells us something about sexiness. Read More


Interesting and I tend to agree with you. However, another way to view what you are saying from an EP perspective is, fitness indicators. Meaning, creativity and use of language can, in fact, signal, to the opposite sex, your fitness.

Also, the Danny Trejo example does not work well, because it has been established females, when choosing a mate, will sacrifice "good looks" for status and resources. So, from that angle, Danny Trejo is an evolutionary winner.

Also, just because we have our preferences in what we find most attractive does not mean we will not settle for less. There has been extensive research on people generally pairing with those closest to themselves. In fact, those that see each other as equals in the realm of genetic fitness tend to stay together longer.

The best pairing happens

The best pairing happens always with people who are opposites of each other - they are each others' "better half" and complement each other.

Therefore, to speak of an ideal attractiveness is meaningless, since it depends completely on the relation between each member of a pair.

Beauty, on the other hand, consists mainly of harmony and therefore something that is more universally consensual.

Therefore, one can be ugly and attractive (the latter only in relation to someone). If the theory of opposites must hold, perhaps the ugliest person should mate up with the prettiest one?

The most beautiful person is the most harmonious one; the ugliest, the most contradictory one.

Beauty is an aestethic matter - something outside the field of attractiveness.

Which is also why computer

Which is also why computer generated images can be of people who are extremely pretty, though unrealistic. Make everything accentuate the rest and you'll have a completely beautiful person, though not something that occured through natural selection.

Beauty is defined by the beholder.

This is what makes humans so special. The most acceptable mate varies per individual. In other words, everyone has a different definition of beautiful and pass those personally appealing genes to the next generation. It is a flawless system that makes us a very successful species.


Such great comments everyone- thank you.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder...

...then Stevie Wonder must think I'm Heidi Klum.

Whereas I tend to think of myself as the "love" (???) child of Lena Dunham and Gollum Smeagol. Then again, my mother can't stand pugs (she calls them "pugly") but I find them absolutely adorable and wish I lived on an island ruled by pugs. She thinks they look like Gremlins from the movie of same name (I can't be the only one who wishes I could adopt a Mogwai?). I also tend to like "kitschy" decor and cult-classic movies like Hairspray and Rocky Horror. Great, so not only am I a pop-culture geek but a stereotypically ugly one too. (BTW, WTF is "fugly"?)

Maybe that whole "law of attraction" thing is actually a real thing and "like attracts like" -- or in my case, "unlike attracts unlike"? There must be other people on this planet who love pugs -- but then again, that probably means nothing in terms of evolution, because obviously I'm not looking to breed with one!

Beauty is in the eye of the *beer* holder!

The OP headline implores me to do something about my "ugly-sexy" (whatever that is) but then starts talking about celebrities, who by definition are more attractive than repulsive in some sense, though in these cases are not sex symbols, and wants me to see them as both somehow ugly and sexy?

It's not really happening, though I've never seen Janine Garafolo in anything other than the famous female-clone-of-Jerry Seinfeld episode, where she's attractive enough. Huston is unsexy now because she's old.

I've run across women who've had crushes on everyone from Tom Petty to Christopher Walkin. One in particular was dumbfounded that anyone could not think Lyle Lovett was the greatest thing since sliced bread. There's no accounting for taste.

You're an idiot and no doubt

You're an idiot and no doubt ugly and unsexy and thus your rating system is extremely unaware. 'Ugly Sexy' isn't a thing, ugly has and always will go beyond the surface, beauty/beautifulness would be the opposite of that, pretty is just on the surface, gorgeousness is aesthically pleasing and sexy/sexiness is all in the attitude. Someone not aesthically pleasing that is still sexy is just sexy. Needing to attach the ugly label on them in an express of one's own insecurities. Take Ron Jeremy, the most sexually active man in the world, not hot, but not ugly, just human.

Janine Garafolo

Janine Garafolo is just plain more conventionally attractive than Uma Thurman. Bad choice of example.

Janeane Garofalo

Janeane Garofalo. Oops, foolishly thought another commenter (i.e. Martian Bachelor) would've spelled it correctly. Serves me right.

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Heidi Reeder, Ph.D., is an associate professor of communication at Boise State University.


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