How To Do Life

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My Favorite Quotations About Sex

29 quotes to make you think or laugh about sex.

I reviewed thousands of quotations about sex and found 29 that I believe are particularly worthy of your time.

Quotes to make you think

"I believe in using words, not fists. I believe in my outrage knowing people are living in boxes on the street. I believe in honesty. I believe in a good time. I believe in good food. I believe in sex." Bertrand Russell

"Does sex matter? Of course it does. But does it matter enough to Matter?" Vera Rubin

"I went to Catholic school and they basically just said don't have sex, but would never explain anything." Khloe Kardashian

"My public is growing up just as I am. After all, I'm not 19 anymore and if I stick with the sex bit, who will be paying to see me when I'm 50?"  Marilyn Monroe

"A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after." Gloria Steinem 

"Where I live, nobody who's 14 is having sex and doing major drugs. And I think if you see it in the movies, you may be influenced by it. I think it's so important to preserve your innocence." Natalie Portman 

“Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.”  Gabriel García Márquez 

"Sex is great until you die but it’s never as great as it was when you were a kid, when it was a mystery." David Duchovny 

"Man ... heats up like a light bulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her.”  Carlos Ruiz Zafó 

"Don't marry someone you would not be friends with if there was no sex between you." William Glasser 

"Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets." Andy Warhol 

"The fact that same-sex marriage is still an issue is insane. Thinking love knows a sex is ridiculous." Garret Dillahunt 

"There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be." Norman Mailer

"Woman is the dominant sex. Men have to do all sorts of stuff to prove that they are worthy of woman's attention." Camille Paglia 

"When you get to 52, food becomes more important than sex." Tom Lehrer 

"If you’re going to have sex, use a condom." Dennis Rodman 

"Equal appetites. Yay!"  Marty Nemko 

Quotes to make you laugh  

"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good." Woody Allen

"My boyfriend and I live together, which means we don't have sex—ever. Now that the milk is free, we've both become lactose intolerant." Margaret Cho 

"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive." Rodney Dangerfield 

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds." Joan Rivers 

"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man." Tom Clancy 

"Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes." Jackie Kennedy 

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension. Love causes it." Woody Allen.

"I don't believe in paying for sex. Which is why I'll never again pay for a woman's dinner." David Wain 

"Don’t knock masturbation — it’s sex with someone I love." Woody Allen 

"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework."  Bill Cosby 

"It’s been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who." Joan Rivers 

"The only reason I'd kick you out of bed is to f*** you on the floor." Anonymous

Marty Nemko's bio is in Wikipedia.

Marty Nemko is a career and personal coach based in Oakland, Ca. and the author of 7 books. 
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