How To Do Life

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The Last Acceptable Ism: Lookism

Why preferring ugly people can make sense. Read More

The ugly as romantic partners

I have never been able to have sex with someone I couldn't look at. The people I am intimate with have to be attractive TO ME.

The ugly as romantic partners

I have never been able to have an intimate relationship with someone I couldn't look at. The person has to be attractive to me.


I heartily agree that ugly prejudice/beauty preference is prevalent in our society and probably fuels very self-destructive behaviors in people (e.g. plastic surgery addiction, eating disorders, etc.). Based on my personal experience, I tend to make a concerted effort to be kinder to ugly, obese, and older folks who tend to be overlooked by others. I think we have to do it consciously because let's face it, if someone who looks like Joseph Merrick (aka The Elephant Man) gets on the bus, most people would look away and be grossed out; but it's precisely those people who need the human connection.

The downside of this: when you as a slightly-above average looker befriend people like that, the expectations are higher. People don't believe, for instance, that I'm ill because I don't look like the typical sufferer.

I honestly feel this

I honestly feel this compromises all the beautiful people. It is as if saying beautiful people only look good in their appearance and they have nothing else inside. I believe this to be false, I have met many great personalities and they are beautiful. One's appearance shouldn't be compensated in any other way. By this judgement, could we say the ugliest person has the most wonderful and beautiful heart? I realise the opposite to be true, many times, because the not so good looking counterparts have lower self esteem they tend to do hurtful things to others especially more good looking people because of jealousy, envy or their lack of confidence. A not great looking person could look equally attractive if they just focus on what is most important, but they often don't and I find that highly disappointing.

the other side.

I agree that more beautiful people are treated better. This results in a self fulfilling prophesy in most cases where they in turn treat people better and kinder. You get what you give and vice versa. Ugly people are treated worse, and are ignored more. So not all ugly people will have ray of sunshine personalities. While there may be vain, selfish beautiful people, they also will have had more opportunities to develop adequate social skills to compensate. Deep down ugly people may be kinder, but because of how they are treated it will take longer to bring out that side. Low self esteem is very harmful to a person's personality.

Mentalism is the last and

Mentalism is the last and most acceptable acceptable ism ...

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Marty Nemko is a career and personal coach based in Oakland, Ca. and the author of 7 books. 

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