How to Be a Grown-Up

Growing old takes time, growing up takes work

Get Better At Asking For Help

No one will hate you for needing a hand.

 

http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/6813841/kids-use-team-work-to-get-to-urinal
        

Anyone who attended my wedding reception knows I’m a terrible event planner.

For some strange reason I thought I could be the emcee, DJ, day-of coordinator, assistant photographer, AND bride, all at once. No, I’m no Bossy Bridezilla or control freak. I’m just bad at asking for help.

But the Universe isn’t letting me get away with this. In my lap landed a day job that involves a ton of event planning-- and like a wedding reception or any other big function, the events I'm in charge of simply can't be pulled off without teamwork.

So here’s what I’ve learned so far about asking for help:

  • No one will hate you for needing some of their time. If you’re a minor pain in someone’s butt during a stressful time in your life, that’s okay– anyone who loves or respects you will get over it. Oh, and attention people-pleasers: Stop bending over backwards to be liked.
  • No one will judge you for being unable to do EVERYTHING all by yourself. If you don’t believe me it’s probably because you judge yourself for not being able to do everything. So be compassionate towards yourself because you’ll find that you’ll reach more goals in life AND be perfectly resilient when you don’t.
  • You’re not being a burden on people when you ask for help (if you’re being reasonable and nice about it). What you’re actually doing is relying on your support system and community, which is exactly what support systems and communities are for. And of course, you’ll be there when others need help from you too. See how that works? This is the way humans are biologically and psychologically programmed, so there’s no use in fighting it.
  • Having help will lead to a more fulfilling life. No, really. When you receive help with logistical stuff (whether it’s event planning or running a household), you can enjoy yourself and be fully present with– and for– others. And remember, when you look back at your life, you won’t cherish how smoothly all the logistics went; you’ll cherish special moments you shared with special people.
  • Don’t just say thank you. Write it across the sky. Have a heartfelt conversation about it. Overwhelm people with your gratitude. Because if there’s one thing that makes people happy to help you AND keeps you from feeling funny about asking for assistance, it’s when people feel appreciated by you and your relationship with them is strengthened as a result.

Your Turn: How are you at asking for help?

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Read more of this writer's PG-13 antics at A Brave Life.

Copyright Kimberly Eclipse

 

 

Kimberly Eclipse, M.A., M.S.Ed., a Visiting Nurse Service bereavement counselor, teaches psychology at Nyack College.

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