Because we can never really know the answer to "what-ifs," it's normal to second guess ourselves, to find things we regret doing or saying (or not doing or not saying). But as it turns out, regret doesn't necessarily deserve the bad rap it often receives. In fact, regret can be both a powerful and positive force in our lives.

Studies conducted by researchers Colleen Saffrey, Amy Summerville, and Neal Roese have discovered that contrary to popular belief, regret is highly valued by most people because it helps us a) make sense of things that have happened to us, b) gain insight into ourselves, and c) figure out ways to change for the better next time around. In fact, of the twelve negative emotions they studied, regret was considered to be the most beneficial in that it provided opportunities for self-inspection and growth.

Not only that, it appears that regret is hardwired into our brains, underscoring its importance in human behavior. According to Harvard professor Michael Craig Miller, neuroimaging studies show that "when a person experiences regret, a part of the brain involved in both reasoning and emotion--the orbitofrontal cortex--becomes active." Miller goes on to say that because learning likely works best when its associated with strong emotions, regret may actually bolster our ability to learn from our experiences.

So what are some ways to turn a negative (regret) into a positive (growth)? With some ideas taken from Dr. Miller's Harvard Business Review blog, here are a few tips that I hope will "grow" on you:

1) Don't allow yourself to get caught up in the hindsight bias trap. Hindsight bias is a lot like Monday morning quarterbacking yourself. What you should have done or said somehow always seems so obvious after you've done it or said it. The key is to not beat yourself up for what you should have done. Instead, turn this hindsight into insight and use it when a similar situation pops up in the future.

2) Let regret raise you up rather than bring you down. If viewed negatively, regret can turn into depression. But if viewed positively, regret can guide and improve your decision-making, clarify your direction and values, help you prioritize your responsibilities, and help you set more realistic goals.

3) Use regret to better assess risk rather than shy away from it. Sometimes, regret for something you've done may cause you to take less risks in the future. But the less risky option isn't always the best option or the option that maximizes your chance of reaching your goals. The best approach is to use your past experiences to help you better judge and appreciate the risk of new opportunities.

So as I sit here contemplating my own new opportunities, I'm brought back to a simple fact that I hope you'll remember, too: Life is a series of choices, some of which can be frightening to make. But just as we shouldn't live in fear of what the future holds, we also shouldn't live in the past, consumed by what was or what might have been. As is the case with most things in life, it's all how you look at it--a setback or an opportunity for growth. And I'm thinking it might be time for a bit of growing. What do you think?

© 2011 Sherrie Bourg Carter, All Rights Reserved