Here, There, and Everywhere

But you're not fooling anyone that you have this under control: you have two #5's there in the first section. (oops)

WRT #1, for years I've been stashing away several boxes in a secret place for retrieval six months later. Really, it's the way to be the coolest Big Kid on the block in August. There aren't too many seasonal foods anymore (so others will be impressed that you must have a direct line to the Cookie God), and they really are better in hot weather. But you have to have first mastered the second #5.

Girl Scout Cookies

It's that time of year again. In front of every grocery store across the land little folding tables are set up and colorful boxes of delicious cookies are set out. They are very good cookies and I think it's great what the Girl Scouts do but I prefer to buy mine from people I know at work. Support your local troop and all that. I sometimes get tired of explaining that to total strangers in front of a Farm Fresh, so I decided to try a different approach.
As I neared the entrance to the store, I made eye contact with the woman who seemed to be in charge. All she was able to say was,"would you like to buy," before I launched into my new routine. I held up my work badge which I wear around my neck and said," no thanks, diabetic." 'Oh, I'm sorry, have a nice day," she replied. she didn't even question me. Maybe she thought all diabetics are now required to wear badges. Maybe it's all part of the new healthcare system.
As I did my shopping, I realized that it didn't matter what I said as long as I held up the badge and acted like I knew what I was talking about. I could make up some weird cult that was somehow cookie sensative. I decided to try it on my next encounter. I didn't have to wait long. Two days later at a different store, I tried this idea out.
I let the woman get the whole sentence out of her mouth this time before I replied.
"No thanks, dogmatic agnostic," I said as I held up my badge and kept walking. I got pretty much the same response as before.
"Oh, okay, have a nice day," she said with a perplexed look on her face. Hopefully she spent some time wondering what a dogmatic agnostic was. Maybe she Googled it when she got home. I know I did. There actually is such a thing. How they feel about Girl Scout cookies,or cookies in general, I don't know.
I decided to step it up a notch just to see how far I could go. At the next encounter, I tried to think up a really weird philosophy that might have an issue with cookies. The usual routine transpired and I held up my badge and said," no thanks, agnostic existentialist," and tried to keep walking. Just my luck, I found a person who saw through my B.S.
"What the hell does that mean.Don't just make up weird stuff because you don't want to buy some cookies," she said as she stepped in my way.
"It means I'm not sure if I exist: therefore I'm not sure if anything exists, including your cookies," I said.
"Oh, I can assure you, my cookies are real," she said with a smile.
"Why are you shopping if you don't think anything exists. what did you buy in that store that may or may not exist."
I was on my way out with ten cans of catfood and not really in a hurry, so I opened the bag for her to see.
"Ah, catfood, so your cats definately exist but your not sure about everything else, is that it?'' she asked.
"Okay, you got me, i made it all up because I like to buy from my coworkers," I said.
"How many cats do you have," she asked.
I told her and we ended up talking about cats and philosophy and a bunch of other stuff. I got two boxes from her and her phone number. We may or may not have coffee next week.