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Mother’s Day 2014; painful or pleasant?
Two years ago I wrote a column entitled “When Addiction Is in Your Family, Maybe It's Not a Happy Mother's Day”. Well tomorrow (or depending on when you are reading this) is Mother’s Day and like so many moms that have children struggling with addiction issues it can either be a painful one or pleasant one.
I will be meeting one daughter for lunch and shopping and the other one has just completed a month’s residential recovery program and is now residing in a sober living facility. Sadly, my relationship with her is challenging so we will not be seeing each other as neither of us are ready for a face to face. My hope for her to participate in a Mother’s Day with me has long been dashed. I pray daily that one day we can start a fresh and explore a new relationship that is healthy and respectful.
I often check my posts on Psychology Today for comments that my readers take the time to write. I’m grateful that someone reaches out to me and I appreciate all of them; even the ones that correct my grammar or spelling.
Last night I read a comment from an anonymous woman who shared so openly and honestly about her journey this Mother’s Day and her struggles with her addicted sons. She even went so far as to create a beautiful poem that left me openly weeping. I have taken the liberty of sharing it with you my readers, as I’m sure she would be pleased if it could strike a chord with the myriad of parents that may be suffering this Mother’s day as well. Somehow it’s comforting to know that one is not alone with their personal issues and I am grateful that this wonderful woman would open up her heart and soul to me and me in turn to you.
Bring out the tissues…you’ll need them.
This was a great article (the column written two years ago). I have two addicted sons. Mother's Day was VERY hard for me this year. It started on Friday when one of my co-workers received flowers at the office from her daughter who just finished college and moved to another province. I was so happy for my coworker but when she left my office I developed a big lump in my throat.
That evening, I cried my eyes out all night. I realized that her gift from her daughter reminded me of what I didn't have (but deserved to have because I, too, am a good mother). My sons, who are about the same age as her child, took a completely different path. I overcame this grief by allowing myself to cry and by reflecting on all that I've done to help myself and others who are dealing with this nightmare of addiction in their family. I am so much healthier now than I was six months ago. I wrote a poem on Mother's Day to help me deal with my pain. I thought I'd share it with you:
Mother’s Day Poem (to the mothers of addicts)
You are that little baby I lovingly carried for nine months,
That little child who was so kind, caring, and sweet,
That teenager who drove us crazy but was always so loving,
Those were wonderful years that made being a mom seem so easy.
Now, you are lost to an addiction that many don’t understand,
While they don’t see the love and promise you have inside of you, I do,
I loved you at every stage,
And I’ll continue to love you at every age,
I don’t know why we were given the experience of so much pain,
But I’ll stand by you in the sunshine and the rain,
As I look around me on this Mother’s Day,
Seeing other moms enjoying the fruits of their labour,
With children who are now independent and living a good life,
It makes my heart ache because that should be us,
It just seems so unfair when I love you so much,
However, I realize that we are on a different journey than other families are,
But, when we come through it, we will be even stronger,
I am proud to be your mother because I know your heart is good,
I look forward to the day when “you” find your way back,
And we are living life as we should.
Anonymous
I do hope that everyone will have or had a terrific Mother’s Day. Maybe right now we are not experiencing that warm and fuzzy Mother’s Day with our children, but with our pets or friends or just nature. We are all mothers (and good ones) because we care about many good and positive things. If you are estranged from your children at this time for whatever reason, don’t lose hope as next year things might be better than you could have ever dreamed.
If I can be of service, please visit my website www.familyrecoverysolutions.com or call (805) 695-0049. In addition, I invite you to explore my book Reclaim Your Life – You and the Alcoholic/Addict at www.reclaimyourlifebook.com, PayPal or on Amazon. In addition, my book is available as an audio on my website only.
