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I often hear "what actually constitutes an alcoholic?" or "if one is a heavy drinker does that make them an alcoholic?" "It's certainly better to be a drinker than a drug addict" and my favorite "I'm not an alcoholic...I haven't had a DUI or lost my job, so my drinking can't be that bad".
It is unfortunate that too often the wake-up call for realizing that one is an alcoholic can climax with getting in trouble with the law or more than a fender-bender in an automobile accident.
Specifics and actual questions to determine whether one is or is not in difficulty with their drinking can help with concrete answer versus the opinions of family, friends or the prospective alcoholic themselves.
The best litmus test for determining if one is an alcoholic comes from the strong and respectful program of Alcoholics Anonymous and its 12 simple questions.
Taken word for word from their pamphlet "Is A.A. for You?", if honestly answered, one can determine their own disposition. If the prospective alcoholic answers "yes" to four or more of these questions...well, then they may be headed for a brick wall with their drinking.
1) Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but only lasted for a couple of days?
2) Do you wish people would mind their own business about your drinking - stop telling you what to do?
3) Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another in the hope that this would keep you from getting drunk?
4) Have you had to have an eye-opener upon awakening during the past year? Do you need a drink to get you started or to stop shaking?
5) Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?
6) Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year? This is not just relegated to a DUI, DWI or the law, but your physical health as well.
7) Has your drinking caused trouble at home? Tense family relationships and interactions.
8) Do you ever try to get "extra" drinks at a party because you do not get enough or the service was too slow?
9) Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want to, even though you keep getting drunk when you don't mean to? Kidding yourself into thinking that you drink because you want to.
10) Have you missed days of work or school because of drinking? Calling in sick when in actuality you had a hangover.
11) Do you have "blackouts?" A "blackout" is when you drink for hours or days and cannot remember anything that happened.
12) Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?
So, what's the score? Remember, four or more yes answers and one may strongly consider changing their lifestyle.
It is very interesting (and different) to see how the family member answers these questions about their loved one and their connection with alcohol. Often the prospective alcoholic is in denial about their possible addiction issue and may dismiss theses questions as bunk or defend and justify their position with flimsy reasoning or take a combative stance. They can't or don't want to visualize themselves in this condition, even though their mate, spouse, parent, sibling or whomever see these dispositions as clear as day.
Please keep in mind that just because someone may not meet these criteria does not mean they don't or might not have an issue with alcohol. If their actions are irresponsible, disrespectful or out of control due to alcohol consumption, then one can consider themselves an alcoholic due to their behavior and not necessarily to a check list of yes and no answers.
If the family's discomfort is at stake with one's actions after two glasses of wine or that amount is all that is needed to become a disconnected individual then the option of social drinker is out the window.
The prospective alcoholic may argue" I'm not an alcoholic; I haven't answered "yes" to four of these questions". They may have a different gage or their actions might make them just as much an alcoholic as the person where these questions fit like a glove.
For the prospective alcoholic that might read this, be your own honest judge. You know yourself better than anyone. Even if you are not ready to encompass a clean and sober lifestyle, be true to yourself and take the first step in admitting the possibility that you may indeed have the disease of alcoholism. It is nothing to be ashamed of; it can actually be empowering to start taking control of your life. You and your family and friends will be very grateful that one day (hopefully sooner than later) you will seek a healthy, loving relationship with not only yourself, but them as well.
If I can be of service, please visit my website www.familyrecoverysolutions.com and I invite you to explore my new book Reclaim Your Life - You and the Alcoholic/Addict at www.reclaimyourlifebook.com
I am pleased to announce that I will soon be launching webinar sessions discussing topics from boundaries, communication, baiting and punishing, recovery contracts, the dry drunk and plenty of time for your questions. If you are interested in being notified when these will occur, please e-mail me at carole@familyrecoverysolutions.com
