From Heartache to Hope

Life with the Alcoholic/Addict

by Carole Bennett, MA

When Addiction Is in Your Family, Maybe It's Not a Happy Mother's Day

Yesterday was Mother’s Day and I hope that everyone reading this had a pleasant day with their families and friends. Like all holiday’s they are more satisfying if one is surrounded by loved ones who get along, leave their egos and resentments at the door and focus on the occasion or individual person and not themselves. Read More

The Difficulties Accepting a Loved One's Addiction Issues

There isn’t a parent, sibling, spouse or any family member that is happy about their loved ones substance abuse issue or prospective addiction problems. The strongest family bond can be ripped to shreds when someone they love to the depths of their soul is heading 90 miles an hour toward a brick wall and they are virtually hopeless to do anything about it. Read More

A Love Letter After His Relapse

Relapse is an unfortunate situation and though it can be more common with one who is new in recovery, there are many individuals who relapse after years and years of living a clean and sober life. Read More

A Father (and Rabbi) on Losing His Son to a Drunk Driver

I have been fortunate to have never traveled the road of losing a loved one to the hands of a drunk driver. Though I have had friends and clients that have lived through that horrible experience, I can only cry with them, hold them and empathize as best possible with their tragedy. Read More

6 Common Relapse Triggers

For the budding alcoholic/addict in recovery, relapse is all too often a nano second away. Even for the well seasoned soul who has practiced a clean and sober lifestyle for many years, relapse may be in a deep dormant sleep, but can be aroused with a touch of a feather. Read More

Are all addictions created equal?

Years ago when I was just starting out as a substance abuse treatment counselor, I questioned the difference between being addicted to alcohol versus drugs. Like many, I was of the thinking that being an alcoholic was not as bad as a drug addict. Read More

The Holiday Counselor's Corner

No New Year's resolutions - just a new year with goals and aspirations (objectives) Read More

Getting ready for 2012 - Doing an emotional housecleaning

Well, one holiday down and two to go.

When I returned from my Thanksgiving holiday I received an interesting e-mail from a woman (Nancy) who was expressing her confusion and possibly despair with some of the family members/friends that were participating in the Thanksgiving dinner. Read More

When It's Over, It's Over

This blog is somewhat similar to a previous one I wrote entitled "When is it time to throw in the towel?", but the difference is that this one stems from my own personal archive and experience. Read More

Holiday Boundaries between You and the Alcoholic/Addict

According to one of the many definitions of holiday, "It is a day designated as having special significance for which individuals, a government, or religious groups have deemed that such observation is warranted." Read More

Residential Rehab and the Family's Participation

I am working with a family out of Canada where the wife has entered a residential rehab program after incurring a DUI as a result of a car accident. On the way to the rehab, this wife and mother of 2 jumped out of the car explaining that she needed some aspirin at the drug store. Read More

Communicating with the Alcoholic/Addict: Concepts for Neutral Dialogue

Communication is an art all to itself. Whether it comes trippingly off the tongue, through expressive eyes, facial inflections, foot taping, moans, groans or whatever body language we are transmitting, it's all some type of communication. In an instant we hear or see what that person is saying to us and react accordingly. Read More

Are You Taking Care of Yourself in Conjunction with Helping the Alcoholic/Addict?

If you can't take care of yourself, it's difficult to be of help to anyone else. Dealing with the alcoholic/addict in your life (whether in recovery or not) can be an emotional, physical and oftentimes financial drain. You can find yourself exhausted before you even get out of bed in the morning. Read More

The Counselor's Corner - Questions about addiction and recovery

In my previous blog, I stated that I receive many questions regarding a loved one's substance abuse issues. Though they are not long enough for me to write an entire blog, they merit comment, and are poignant and thoughtful. Hence, the Counselor's Corner - Questions about Addiction and Recovery will be a frequent blog on this site.

"Should we drug test our own child"? Read More

The Madness of Meth

I have often heard my clients say "at least my loved one is an alcoholic and not a drug addict." Out of control behavior, irresponsible actions and the ability to substantially screw up one's life knows no boundaries between the use of alcohol or drugs. Because alcohol is legal it seems to warrant a different prospective as many more people drink than use illicit drugs. Read More

Divorced with Kids: Boundaries for the Alcoholic/Addict Parent

Many of my clients have come to me wondering how they should handle the relationship with their ex-spouse or significant other as it pertains to their children. Sadly, divorce or separation has become imminent due to the presence of continued substance abuse or numerous unsuccessful attempts at sobriety. Read More

The Counselor's Corner – Questions About Addiction and Recovery

I have received many questions regarding a loved one's substance abuse issues. Though they are not long enough for me to write an entire blog, they merit comment, and are poignant and thoughtful. Hence, the Counselor's corner - questions about addiction and recovery was born. Read More

Rebuilding Trust in the Recovery Process

One of the most common discussions I have with my clients is when they can start trusting their loved one again. Here are what some of the components look like in making that decision. Read More

Al-Anon 12-step recovery program - love it or leave it

For those who don't know or have never heard of Al-anon, it is a 12-step recovery program that is the counter-part to the Alcoholics Anonymous 12-step recovery program. Read More

4 Main Dispositions of Relapse - Part Two

Last week we explored 2 out of 4 main dispositions of relapse. This blog will explore expectations and resentments.

Expectations Read More

Four Main Dispositions of Relapse Part 1

In working for years with both the family and their loved ones substance abuse issues, I have concluded that even though there are a myriad of reasons for relapse, there are 4 basic ones that can become an easy switch to flip. They are expectations, boredom, fear and resentment. This blog will explore boredom and fear, the following week we'll look at expectations and resentments. Read More

The Global Pain of Alcoholism

Through the blogs I write about addiction and recovery I am fortunate to find many clients from all walks of life, all over the world. I encourage my clients to keep an ongoing journal about how they are feeling, what they are experiencing and how they are coping. Read More

Are you an alcoholic?

I often hear "what actually constitutes an alcoholic?" or "if one is a heavy drinker does that make them an alcoholic?" "It's certainly better to be a drinker than a drug addict" and my favorite "I'm not an alcoholic...I haven't had a DUI or lost my job, so my drinking can't be that bad".It is unfortunate that too often the wake-up call for realizing that one is an alcoholic can climax with get Read More

Are you helping or rescuing the alcoholic/addict?

As caring, compassionate people we naturally and instinctively want to protect and help our loved ones. Read More

The Challenge of Hitting the Pause Button

The recent events that transpired over this past weekend inspired me to write this blog. I went down to LA to celebrate my sister's, birthday and my daughter, who swings in and out of recovery was a participant. It was a pleasant 24 hours for me, as she and I got along well and showed each other mutual respect. Read More

A love letter after his relapse

Relapse is an unfortunate situation and though it can be more common with one who is new in recovery, there are many individuals who relapse after years and years of living a clean and sober life.

My client Rachel has had a roller coaster ride with her sometimes sober, sometimes not husband. Read More

Your expectations and the alcoholic/addict

Expectations are part of our daily life. They can be in the smallest form like expecting our car to start to a more emotional investment like hoping to be offered a job so desperately wanted. Read More

How mental images can help us face the day

Each and every day we all wake up to the same problems or issues we went to sleep with. Often a good night's rest can present us with a new perspective, a fresh outlook on how we might wish to proceed with those concerns from the night before. Frequently they don't seem to be as monumental as the day before and we wonder what all the mental turmoil was about. Read More

A father's retrospective of his son's addiction

I encourage many of my clients and friends to journal. Writing down our thoughts at the time they take root in the subconscious gives us a wonderful roadmap to refer back to, whether it's the next day or months/years later. It gives us a mirror into our souls as we may be faced with uncertainty, fear, confusion or any other emotional hiccup. Read More

Are support groups helpful?

Support groups are everywhere. Even in my little city of Santa Barbara one can find a variety of support groups every day from 8:00 am to 8:00 pm.

Beyond the norm of 12 step recovery meetings such as Alcoholic Anonymous and Al-Anon the menu consists of Eating Disorders, Sex and Love Anonymous, Debtors Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Cancer Survivors and HIV support. Read More

Carole Bennett, M.A., is a family substance abuse counselor, lecturer, columnist and author based at her Family Recovery Solutions Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, CA.

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