The word perfectionist causes most people to imagine someone they know who always looks put together, rarely loses things, is on time, neat, and organized and who is generally admired although may at times be irritating or intimidating to those who are unable to approach that level of order.

Think again! There is another type of perfectionist well hidden in the mediocre world of the messy, disorganized, scattered, procrastinating, often late and seemingly "laid back". It is the Covert Perfectionist.

Hard to believe that they have anything in common with the overt perfectionist because the resemblance is just under the surface and exists primarily in the way they view themselves rather than how they appear to others.

What's the difference?

Overt perfectionists are often seen as "anal", organized, systematic hard workers with an ability, drive or possibly obsession to maintain their image of, neatness and order.

I once had a boss who had a mahogany desk, shiny and cleared of paper, pens, paper clips or post- its at all times. I couldn't comprehend how he worked without seeing the projects he was working on piled up on his desk - the way I did and still do..

I usually walked away from meeting with him feeling inadequate but couldn't change my ways despite my temporary self loathing. For some overt types their perfection is limited to public areas while clutter is hidden at home, a fact which they may find troubling and embarrassing. They may be rigid, black and white thinkers claiming to know "The Right Way" to be, or the most efficient ways do things and can have a tendency to judge others and try to impose their methods and reform the world.

Many perfectionists apply their perfectionism to their relationships, taking special care to say the right thing, remember birthdays, ask about a sick mother, and give perfect gifts. Overall, they just try to make everyone happy and satisfied.

Holidays can be a nightmare with attempts to do all that can possibly be done to make it the best year ever. It can also extend to keeping children perfectly healthy, looking just right and preventing any possible discomfort.

In some cases overt perfectionists were born that way, organized, methodical, detail oriented and with a desire to please others. The pattern of being very good is then reinforced by teachers, parents and society.

For others, overt perfectionism is developed over time as a means of avoiding criticism and covering feelings of inadequacy. If they are judged or shamed as children, or perhaps not praised or encouraged they may feel driven toward more, better, best, at the same time believing they are never doing enough.

Remaining focused on "doing" rather than just being, they appear to have self esteem but they are always just one more accomplishment away from being good enough, chasing the proverbial carrot for life.

The self talk of a perfectionist is generally negative or looking for the next thing that SHOULD be done. Despite the appearance of having it together they are constantly raising the bar.

A very small percentage of overt perfectionists actually believe they are perfect and should stay that way. They feel superior and tend to look down on human beings who can't achieve the state of perfection they have. They think they have high self-esteem but have built their identity and image on sand that is only one failure away from disaster. True self esteem is most evident on our worst days when we have to accept our humanness and does not require being better than anyone else.

Covert perfectionists also believe they should be perfect but rarely say that and would deny it if asked. They often fall short of their goals and might insist that they don't care. They feel inadequate and less than others and may feel hopelessly stuck in that pattern.

Unlike their overt counterpart, their perfectionism exists mostly in their minds through expectations and thoughts about themselves. Their self talk (We all know the committee in your head) becomes critical, shaming, and demanding and obsessively focused on what they do not do or what they should have done.

They are critical of their own performance in personal relationships and judge each oversight or mistake harshly. Approval seeking only makes it worse and self-esteem declines over time while shame increases.

They may hide weaknesses and try to avoid anything they can't easily do well, thinking "If I don't try I can't fail."

Some may compartmentalize, looking "perfect" in public areas and a disorganized mess at home or the reverse. They then feel like imposters because their unmanageability is a secret.
Procrastination becomes a problem with beliefs such as "I'll do it perfectly tomorrow." Some may be chronically late, taking on too much and trying to get it just right but failing."

Their intention is to be perfect but they rarely measure up. They compare themselves to the true perfectionist and feel ashamed and intimidated.

As children, they may have a parent or sibling who is more "perfect" and they feel that they cannot compete and decide to stop trying. They may embrace a belief that they are stupid, lazy, or generally incompetent and say they don't care, speaking of themselves in negative terms, maybe with a humorous or sarcastic tone to cover their pain.

The evidence of their covert perfectionism often appears at a point in life when they come upon something they do very well. Suddenly, they are striving for excellence and feel driven.

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