Healthy Connections

Ending destructive life patterns

by Ann Smith

The Perils of Perfectionism in Motherhood

Motherhood can bring out the perfectionist in all of us. Over the years, I have reflected in many conversations with my mother, my 3 sisters and numerous friends about how we raised our respective children. The recurring theme of our discussions was we wished we had been less uptight and more spontaneous—another way of saying we were scared stiff and worried too much. Read More

When Violence Demands that We Find a New Normal

Like many Americans, I spent the past few days watching intensely as the ongoing coverage of the Boston terrorist attacks unfolded – culminating with the dramatic arrest of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev in a family’s boat in Watertown, MA. As I did, many thoughts raced through my mind. Some thoughts were based on personal experience and others were simply a common human reaction. Read More

Too Perfect For Love?

Everyone has flaws and that fact connects us with humanity. Pretending we don’t leads to isolation and at best, conditional love. Read More

I Want More From Our Relationship!

Most successful couples have found a balance between time spent together and time apart, but it is an ebb and flow that may be unique to each couple. Read More

Secrets to a Strong, Successful Relationship

Good relationships require true commitment, good communication, mature love and lessons learned from past mistakes. Read More

10 Tips to De-stress Your Relationships

Relationships often face challenges. These challenges can bring about feelings of stress and anxiety that if not properly managed can have serious health risks. Here are 10 tips to help de-stress your relationship. Read More

Fatal Flaws in Celebrity Marriages

Standing in a grocery line last week, I couldn’t ignore the magazine headlines with stories about celebrities and their recent relationship breakups. Since relationships are my favorite subject and career, I decided that as long as we as a culture are fascinated with what happens to celebrities, especially with romance, we might as well try to learn something from them. Read More

Winning the Gold and Unhappy

When you reach a lifelong goal it should feel great, shouldn’t it? Why is it so hard for us to pause, take a breath and feel the joy when a goal is accomplished? Read More

Remarried with Children

The truth is that for all re-married (or recommitted) with children their new life isn’t only about their love for each other, but now must include love and/or acceptance for the other people their partner loves (children) and has loved (ex-partner, extended family, friends). Read More

Simple Steps for Increasing the Love in Our Lives

Feeling love is different from feeling happy. Happy comes and goes. Love can stay as long as you welcome it regardless of circumstances. The love I am referring to is not romantic love. This is simpler and more accessible than tackling the complexities of finding and maintaining an intimate relationship. Read More

10 Points You Must Review Before You Get Married

In many cases, problems in a marriage actually began before the commitment was made and could have been avoided with some serious forethought. I believe in what I now call "practical love," deeply intimate and lasting but it requires more than just love. Read More

Can Life's Disappointments Really Make You Stronger? Part 2

In last week's blog, I asked you to evaluate your response to a disappointment or emotional loss. This week we take a closer look at how pain may actually enhance your life. Read More

Can Life's Disappointments Really Make You Stronger?

Sometimes we can't tell the good news from the bad. It's only in hindsight that our perspective gets clearer and generally all news can have something good in it if we are willing to look at the bigger picture. Read More

Are You a Guilty Parent?

Guilt is an emotion, not a reality or a life sentence. If it isn't faced it will turn into shame, a feeling of worthlessness and a negative sense of self and it can impact your ability to parent. Read More

Losses Big and Small

Grief is what we feel when someone or something we love and really care about is threatened or no longer within our reach. At times of serious loss, if we allow it and pay attention, we will also see that love is what gets us through the ups and downs. Read More

A Bridge Back to Love: How Busy Parents Can Help Their Intimacy Thrive

11 tips to create or renew connection in your relationship. Read More

Healing Our Families: Not Just For Today But For Future Generations

We all know that bad things can happen to anyone at any time, at least intellectually. It is especially difficult when we see tragedy in the news and wonder how families ever recover from it. Read More

The Reality of Love

Maintaining a healthy amount of connection, respect, tenderness and acceptance will ensure the magic returns from time to time. It isn't the same as chemistry but it is much more valuable and lasting. Read More

How To Break the Pattern of Love Addiction

Rachel Uchitel, an alleged Tiger Woods' Mistress, spoke openly about her addiction to love because of her participation in Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab. For many people, this may be the first they ever heard about love addiction, so I decided to share a popular blog I wrote about this topic last year: Read More

Am I Good Enough Yet? Yes You Are!

If you answered yes to some of the questions from yesterday's quiz about perfectionism you may now feel even more critical of yourself but that is not the purpose! The goal is to relax, be in the moment and be honest but not abusive to yourself. Recovery is a lifelong journey not a destination. Read More

Am I Good Enough Yet?

How good is good enough when it comes to personal growth? Most of us would deny being a classic perfectionist and yet when we listen carefully to our self-talk we may find a few perfectionistic tendencies.

Here are some tips for changing your perfectionist pattern whether it is visible or just in your head. It takes time to shift but small steps become permanent if we just look at one day at a time. Read More

When Job Loss Strikes: How to Survive and Thrive

What is rarely discussed or even acknowledged is the personal emotional toll for those of us who may define ourselves by our careers and positions. Even if the savings account and unemployment compensation holds out for a while, eventually the grief, self doubt and loss of identity take hold and for some can cause paralysis.

Why would anyone continue to meddle, fix, advise, worry, obsess or monitor other people's behavior when it makes them and everyone around them miserable?

We've all heard the studies about the important role that friendships play in our emotional and physical well being. So how could friendship ever be a bad thing?

Thousands of people are stuck in controlling and abusive relationships. Some are able to get help, leave and change their lives. Others are tragically murdered by their partners as we sadly read last week about Yeardley Love's brutal and unnecessary death at the hands of a former boyfriend at the University of Virginia. In my blog today, I'm going to touch on two really important points related to the issue of relationship violence.

I am not a believer in the "blame the parents" approach to life. I do believe that our childhood experiences, which include parents, combined with our own personalities, our reaction to siblings and peers and the context of our lives send us off on a path with a particular set of beliefs and patterns that have a huge impact on our future relationships.

I once believed that the best indicator of a great relationship was a lack a conflict, arguments or disagreement. I thought that if we "got along" we would be just fine. Turned out I was wrong. Read More

The Blind Side: When The One You Love Cheats

Cheaters have been big news lately from Tiger Woods to John Edwards. The media asks who does it, why they do it, signs to look for, types of cheaters and is it an addiction? Although that discussion is important it tends to neglect the equally important questions of what is it like for the partner of a cheater, who are they, how do they feel, do they ever recover and how do they decide whether to stay or leave? Read More

Are You In Love with Love? How to Tell if You’re A Love Addict & What You Can Do to Break The Cycle

I was once a member of the love addicts club. I too was in love with love. I have built my career on this issue, working with ordinary people who are lost when it comes to finding and sustaining a healthy relationship, stuck in a cycle of pain and disappointment in others and themselves. The good news is that it is possible to break this cycle!