Healing Into Possibility

You have written a brillant blog Alison. Thanks for reminding me where the "magic lies" and the power of how.

Kristina Lentz

Alison,

Thank you for the reminder that what happens to us does not define us. It is the choices we make as we live forward that are important. As an excecutive and business coach, I also know that your thoughts are equally relevant to highly functional people who are interested in growing beyond their self-imposed limitations.

Margaret Brost

Although I like your four-step creative process, I found myself stuck on #2: I can influence the course of the change. What if the situation doesn't change? What if things actually get worse? Then I realized that even if things don't change on the outside, how I hold them inside is totally up to me, my thoughts, my judgements, my beliefs. And all of these things can indeed change.

Thanks for the insight.

~Robert Adamich, DC

Thanks, Alison, for getting right to the heart of the issue: it is not so much WHAT happened that matters but HOW we hold it. Life's "whats" come and go - including, as you know better than most of us, really tough whats - but if we can stay mindful of them rather than sucked in, and not take them so personally, and focus on where we do have influence over the inner and outer worlds rather than where we do not . . . then we feel better, not so overwhelmed, more at cause and less at effect - and more able to be kind to ourselves and others. I found your post very touching and really appreciated it.

Alison,
Thanks for your original angle on differentiating what and how - not only when facing a specific disability as you did, but in everyday life. I thought back on when I've thought about or used the word "what" (as in, "What am I going to do?") and "how" (as in, "How can I accomplish this?")

Makes a lot of sense.

One Light, many lamps. Keep shining!

Dan

Great article. I loved the basketball analogy.

I should post those four truths on my desk, my bedside table, and my bathroom mirror. Thank you!

Congrats! Reminding me of the HOW of Gestalt and PROCESS, which I used to teach and which saved me. Also: " The problem is not the problem, its HOW we deal with it." Virginia Satir.
Thank you so much for this reminder! I really need it right now. Hope to see you soon. Love, Gloria
P.S. I am so thankful that you are in good health again!

Hi Alison,

"...Focusing on what had happened to me doesn't change a thing. The more I focus on what happened the more stuck I become..."

This statement reminds me of Dr. Barbara Keddy's interesting theory on women and fibromyalgia in her excellent blog http://www.womenandfibromyalgia.com . She tells of a FM support group in Toronto that meets regularly, but members don't talk about their illness - only wellness! They claim that sitting around focusing on 'ain't it awful?' not only won't help, but it can actually worsen their symptoms. Dr. Keddy, who has lived with fibromyalgia for 40+ years, believes that this is why talk therapy does not work with those diagnosed with this condition.

In my own experience since having a heart attack last May, I've noticed something similar with some of my fellow heart attack survivors. Some seem to "become" their heart condition and have perfected the "poor me, ain't it awful, my doctor's an idiot, life sucks but especially everything about MY life". This is not to diminish the very real trauma of surviving a heart attack (indescribable to those who have not done so!) but it's motivated me to write about this: "Get Over Yourself: How To Stop Boring Others With Your Heart Attack Story" at http://myheartsisters.org/2009/07/20/get-over-it/

I am certainly a different person since my heart attack. I have more balance in my life now, because I HAVE to. Learning to live within the limitations of a "new normal" is a challenge - especially for those of us who've lived our lives running around with our hair on fire.

Thanks for such an interesting perspective!