Although e-mail is extensively used, it still lacks universally agreed modes of behavior established by generations of use and the precise means for conveying exactly the impressions the e-mail sender wishes to convey. And this is very evident in the gender differences exhibited in the composition, length, and use of emoticons, greetings, exclamation points and lexical surrogates. Because e-mail is a major form of communication in the business world and there is a lot of confusion in the style and interpretation of e-mail between women and men, an examination of gender styles is warranted.
The term "emoticons"-short for "emotion icons"-refers to graphic signs, such as smiley faces :) and laughs out loud LOL, which often accompany computer communication. They are most often characterized as iconic indicators of emotion, conveyed through a communication channel that is parallel to the linguistic one. Emoticons are used in e-mails, blogs, Instant Messaging, and bulletin board postings.
Emoticons are conceived of as nonverbal indicators of emotion. They attempt to substitute what is missing from computer generated communication: the emotional dimension which is primarily communicated through facial expressions. They have the power to soften, add to or intensify the meaning of the message.
The How and Why He and She Use Emoticons
And whatever you do, don't use emoticons when sending e-mail to a man. Can you remember the last time you received an e-mail from a male colleague, co-worker, or client that had a smiley face emoticon? In contrast, women in Internet Relay Chat channels incorporated three times as many representations of smiling and laughing emoticons than men (Herring, 2004). This is illustrative of women's need to soften the message and build relationship.
In contrast, however, men used emoticons more often to express sarcasm or to banter. Wolf (2000) makes a point that males used smileys for the purpose of expressing sarcasm and teasing more often than females do. In other words, when a man does employ emoticons it is a specific kind of emotional display. She suggested:
What emerges on a closer inspection, however, is that while emoticons are defined as vehicles to express emotion-hence "emotional icons"-their actual function hinges on the definition of the word emotion. While it can be argued that sarcasm and teasing, for example, derive from or comprise different emotions, whether they constitute an emotion is debatable (p. 832).
Women will often use emoticons to soften the blow of negative feedback or mitigate a conflict. She may relay a criticism or point of contention but can soften the message by adding a smiley face: "Remember those stats were due yesterday. :)." Additionally, for women the absence of an emoticon can indicate a lack of emotion and, in that, a lack of information, especially if the sender is another woman. The exclusion of the ubiquitous (auto-text) smiley face at the end of her message would be like wiping away the ever present female smile or punctuation of laughter at the end of a sentence. A word of warning for women: pay attention to when and to whom you send emoticons, especially at work. A smiley face emoticon in an e-mail to the boss may be interpreted as not taking your job seriously, impacting your credibility.
This is an excerpt for Audrey's upcoming co-authored book, The Gender Communication Handbook: Conquering Conversational Collisions between Men and Women (Wiley & Sons) due to be released March 2012.
