Happiness in this World

Two things in this article brought up questions;

One, that your depressed self isn't your true self. As one who has been depressed for nearly my entire life, I don't know any other "self" than this one. My depressed self feels like my true self. In that sense, it is oddly comfortable, and by implication, feels a bit weird when the sunshine peeps through every once in a while. That in itself can be a barrier to recovery for some people.

Two, I really like the suggestion to treat whatever issues as "problems to be solved", but I'm not entirely sure how to apply this to the soup of issues that come with an abusive childhood. The pervasive feeling of helplessness is a problem in and of itself, also the trust problem is pretty massive...resentment, physical damage, feelings of betrayal, sexual dysfunction, hypervigilance, never feeling safe...etc. etc. etc. ad nauseum. I like the idea of breaking it down into specific problems, but at the same time, it feels overwhelming to think about doing it, and I'm not entirely sure how, given that everything seems to be interconnected. Any suggestions for applying your theory to this type of life history?

p.s., Just wanted to add, re. your patient who killed himself...you know that depressed people are notoriously good at hiding it from the people who are best placed to help them. Also, you know that antidepressants can sometimes make people more impulsive in the first few weeks. So I'm just saying, while this is a good learning experience, do be gentle with yourself. My condolances.

Katie,

I'll start be letting you know that I survived a horrible childhood as well, filled with physical and sexual abuse. I want to let you know what helped me.

Obviously you can't go back and solve the problems of yesterday, and you will probably never understand why. You may never get the words you need from the person who did these things to you. So, what to do? If you are like I was, you are likely playing a tape in your head of the horrors and asking unanswerable questions. Why? What did I do to cause/deserve this? What could I have done differently?

The problem you can solve?. . . Being strong, independent, & self-loving now. I felt alot of the same ways you do. I could not trust, there was sexual disfunction, I felt un-lovable, but at the same time I felt that I was not strong enough to live life on my own, and I was dependent on outside love and reasurance. The kind my childhood was missing. This lead to a long string of relationships and a broken marraige. I had to vow to myself that I was going to be alone. No man, no one but me. I vowed to do this for at least a year. I ended up happily by myself for 2 1/2 years. OK - happily took a while, but it did happen. In that time I learned who I was and what I liked, and I started to really like myself. I knew I could stand on my own two feet.

A little over a year ago I met a man, and I'm amazed at the change. Knowing that I don't "need" him, I'm just free to love him. Knowing I'm worth it, I'm free to let him love me.

This is something I did in conjuction with therapy. To "find" myself. My grown-up self. The one who can make herself safe and loved. I hope my post helps in some way. Good Luck on your journey!!

Renae

Great article, I hope its not in poor taste to write a positive statement following everything written above; I just found it to be enlightening. I completely agree, breaking these issues into their smaller parts is a great way to go about fixing anything. I had never considered the idea that depression could stem from the lack of having answer to a given problem. While the helplessness aspect is certainly prevalent, that being something of a root cause was novel to me. This is something I will certainly bring into my sessions in the future.

A great article for these unsettling times. I do leave it to the experts to uncover the elements (physical, mental, emotional, etc.) that trigger depression. I guess if you live long enough, you will experience it in one form or another.

My story with depression is a bit odd, in that I made it into a choice. You see, I toyed with the 'idea' of depression when I got 'set free' from my job.

For me, losing my job was one of those defining moments in life. I knew I had a choice: I could choose to lose my way (my mind) or rise to the challenge and follow what my Spirit tells me to do, always remembering that I am more than a statistic on the news.

I'll share with you what I was told the day I got "set free" (laid off) from my job: "This is a new chapter in your life. WRITE ONE HELL OF A CHAPTER!" And I did just that! Will you?

So if you just need a break from today's doom and gloom, let me send you a FREE book download...no strings attached, really! Sign up now: www.noexpertsneeded.com

Yes, times are tough, but it doesn't mean that we can't still 'give back' to one another. Sharing my story is simply my way...

take care,
Louise Lewis, author
No Experts Needed: The Meaning of Life According to You!
www.noexpertsneeded.com

Bipolar people like yourself are so transparent and of course insensitive.

Sincerely,David

One of the basic criteria required for a bipolar diagnosis is that the patient must have experienced at least one major depressive episode. In fact, bipolar patients spend more time depressed than manic. Those with bipolar disorder suffer extreme highs AND extreme lows. In fact, 25% of bipolar patients attempt suicide. That is 20 times higher than the general population. Approximately 50% of all people in the US who commit suicide are bipolar. I find it very difficult to believe there are many bipolar people who are insensitive to people who are depressed unless he or she is currently manic. Bipolar people know better than anyone just how out of one's control one's thoughts, feelings & actions can be. If you are currently suffering with depression I am truly sorry. You have my deepest sympathies. I am bipolar and I empathize with you.