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People marry for all sorts of reasons. People enjoy being married and stay married for reasons that evolve over time. Though studies have shown being married is associated with a longer life span (for men, at least), I don't believe—nor is there evidence—that a married life necessarily results in more happiness in the long run than a life lived singly. Read More
Question
I'm surprised this hasn't gotten a comment yet. Anyway, I was just wondering what your thoughts are on the applicability and universality of your advice. It's done in a business-oriented manner, but not all people are good at business planning and execution. I can imagine a Myers-Brigg type *SFP having a terrible time with your tips. In other words, which is more true, "These tips only work for some people" or "Even if it's against your nature, learning analysis, planning, and execution is good for you in this case."?
A second question would be, what if you're already married? Maybe your net gain, vision, and long-term goals are very different? Then what? Get a divorce? I guess that situation will simply result in a lot of compromise, and a lot of "If it's important to you, it's important to me," and divorce is an option if those things are much too different, especially if there aren't kids.
Answer ;)
As with all models and suggestions, if they appeal and seem like they would work for you, transposing ideas from one context (business) often gives a fresh perspective on another (marriage). I do think anyone can and should learn how to analyze and plan even if they find it difficult as they're important skills to master for success in any endeavor.
And regarding your second question, if things are that out of sync and can't be brought into sync, I wonder how enjoyable the marriage is. Perhaps using this business model would help to highlight for couples struggling to understand what's wrong with their relationship what areas they need to improve.
Fascinating!
I loved, loved, loved this article. Thank you, Dr. Lickerman!!
(And, this is coming from a Christian.)
I'm so glad you did!
I'm so glad you did!
Constant watering is so necessary ...
As a marriage and family therapist for many years and in my own marriage of 26 years, I agree with Dr. Lickerman that it can help many couples to have an organizing theme to stay on track with the goals and needs of their relationship ... and the business model is a good one for many ...
But, as she also points out a marriage is like a flower which needs regular care and watering. To inspire "care and watering behaviors," I suggest my little book just released, "A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage."
Take a look @ www.ashortguidetoahappymarriage.com
I know you'll find it helpful!
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