Steve, I've gotta say, this is one of the least helpful discussions about threesomes that I've seen in a long time. Judgmental? Most certainly, but I can't see how it's explanatory or helpful.

--Regarding your headline, "Threesomes are every man's fantasy," are you sure about that?

--re: "The most common time for this behavior is during the college years, when experimentation is more socially acceptable." Are you talking about the fantasy, or actually having a threesome?

--If you are going to make blanket warnings about things that can "be quite dangerous and detrimental" to relationships, you would be on far more solid ground to warn readers about marriage rather than threesomes.

While I don't encourage threesomes, that's my own personal bias and I'm not so sure that prohibition works well when it comes to sex among adults. So maybe it would help to tell people that if they are thinking about actually having a threesome, realize there are repercussions that could be both good and bad, and that it's something to research and explore before taking the leap.

While I can't speak to the value or accuracy of the following resources, they are at least a place to start:

Diana Cage's "Threesomes, Fulfill Your Ultimate Fantasy" Alyson Books (2006) [Diana is smart and sensible, so I'd trust her book and Violet's chapter that I mention next]

Violet Blue has a helpful chapter on threesomes in her book "The Ultimate Guide To Sexual Fantasy" from Cleis Press (2004)

I recently received a review copy of Vicki Vantoch's "The Threesome Handbook" from Thunders' Mouth Press (2007). I've not read it all the way through, but a concern I have about this book is the extreme cheerleading tone and fantastic claims. Nonetheless, if you are thinking about having a threesome, I would suggest you give it a look. She seems to offer lots of tips and suggestions.

Suzy Bauer's "Step By Step Threesome" e-book can be very helpful if you are thinking about a MFF threesome. Should have been 70% shorter, but...

If you are into porn and want a visual aid to embellish a fantasy of a threesome, Nina Hartley has done two DVDs for Adam & Eve (2005): Nina Hartley's Guide To Threesomes: Two Guys and A Girls, and Nina Hartley's Guide To Threesomes: Two Girls and a Guy.

Tristan Taormino's article on Threesomes that she wrote for the Village Voice is much more along the lines of what I would find helpful if I were exploring the thought of having a threesome: Threesomes: A Navigational Guide, Dec 11, 2007: http://www.villagevoice.com/people/0750,taormino,78666,24.html

As for my own book ("Guide To Getting It On"-5th edition, 2006) I've done a chapter on threesomes that explores the vulnerability of all three participants--both the main couple and the outside third, and which has a collection of suggestions for sensible ways to proceed if that's what you want to do.

As a bi woman who has has several threesomes (and foursomes), I have to say that communication and honesty are very important both beforehand and afterwards to have a positive experience. I love my partner and we have been together for three years, and we are both happy with our sexual activities. Our relationship is open and so we have also had relationships with others while we have been together.

Of course, if someone is coerced into having a threesome they won't be happy about it, but the same is true if someone is coerced into having children, leaving their job, moving away from where they live or any number of things.

And of course, safer sex practises are important, but they are just as important for someone who is seeing more than one person, but not all in the same bed, or someone in a series of relationships.

You've said these two things are reasons not to try a threesome, but in fact they are things that may or may not related to threesomes. Write an article about those topics if that's what you're interested in.

"Threesomes are every man's fantasy" but, you know, they're difficult so don't do it.

Um, you can of say the same thing about sex in general. Can we still have sex? Because that can result in feelings of jealousy, anger and betrayal, and often involves some pressure from the male partner, too.

Of course people shouldn't throw themselves into threesomes without some consideration for the possible consequences, but to say "just don't do it it's not worth it" seems unhelpful and unnecessary.

Threesomes are a common fantasy, and when they are not frought with emotional and medical pitfalls, in other words, when done right, they are a great way to have really hot, interesting and exciting sex.

I've been the girl in two different MMF threesomes, and think back fondly to both. They did not hurt my relationships with any of the men involved, and considerably improved my relationship with one friend I had trouble getting along with.

I agree with the other commenters on this one. I mean, come on already! Three-ways can get emotionally complicated and hold the potential for transmission of STDs. News? Crossing the street holds potential for being flattened by a bus. Stay home?

Let's guess your thoughts about snorkeling: There are dangerous currents out there. Sharks. Jellyfish. Sunburn. Water up your nose.

Stay out of the water. Watch old Jacques Cousteau episodes instead. All that glitters is not gold.

Live strong (but do don't anything that might require strength).

Sorry, I've been involved in probably a dozen of these (both MMF and MFF), and each and every one was a liberating, enjoyable, memorable experience. Nothing but wisdom and affection was transmitted.

Chill.

If one does such things i believe one has depression problems,hence a degree of mental illness which means reflecting sensibly on a dysfunctional emotion is not going to happen.Anyone who engages in such behavior should read a book by Peter D Kramer. Sincerely David Petropoulos

Actually sensitivity rejection is also an ostensible sign of depression. The world is made up of two kinds of people,those who read and those who don't. Actually i am right in step with the great thinkers on depression. Peter d. kramer is one of them. Just read him it will do you some good. Sincerely- David (troll) Petropoulos

Petropoulos only makes me feel bad for Kramer. No one can comment on PDK's posts without first having to deal with this creep. Which leads to Kramer's blog looking less well-trafficked than others. How long before PT pulls the plug on PDK as a result?

I was looking up information about this threesome thing going on, glad to read all you honest opinions.
I have a relationship with a guy who is really pressuring me to join a threesome, i had said that I might try it when i feel ready but is really annoying to hear this "song" everytime I see him.
I think sex is very fun and interesting to live as it comes, I respect people who get involved and agreeing on join this activity but this should not be the end of the fantasy world i believe there is more in the mind than this...doesnt it?

Cool post as for me. It would be great to read more concerning this theme.