Religion is no different from any other human pursuit or life in general: finding meaning and deep satisfaction requires hard work, sacrifice and commitment. It’s no different from learning a musical instrument: if you take it lightly or don’t invest the effort to practice and just change to a new instrument every six months, you’ll get nowhere.

What you do, Steven, is just “messing around at religion”, like someone who picks up a guitar and strums a little, takes a few lessons, maybe plays a simple song or two when friends come over. And that’s fine. But it’s not the same as a child who takes cello lessons and decides he/she wants to be first chair in an orchestra and really makes the commitment and puts in the hard work. This pursuit will give the person deep meaning throughout their life. What you’re doing is “the new Judaism” the same way Guitar Hero is the “new learning an instrument”. It’s fun, but doesn’t take the place of conservatory study if the objective is deeper rewards.

What should you tell your children? Say that religion is just a fun thing in your family (not a source of deeper satisfaction or meaning) and that they should just enjoy it on that basis. It doesn’t really matter how you do it or even what religion or hybrid of religions you pick. You could have equivalently picked going to the movies as your family unifying activity. That was essentially the approach your parents took, but they fooled themselves into thinking they were imparting to you anything more than a quaint familyism.

As a parent you should better focus on what other ways you can impart to your children that life’s meaning and satisfaction comes from sustained work, commitment and sacrifice- since it won’t be though religion. It could be through academics, sports, music or many other ways.

The irony is that the lesson above (about how to find life’s meaning)- too often forgotten- has been passed through the generations via religion.

Thanks very much for your very thoughtful and complex response. Although you must know that I don't necessarily agree with all that you say, I do have immense respect for the strength of your convictions and for the position you've taken. You've certainly given me much to consider. I must also say that I disagree with you that I cannot and do not find meaning of worth in the brand of religion about which I write, and I also know that my tendency towards light-heartedness in my writing runs the risk of my being mistaken as one with light-hearted ideas and convictions of my own.

I also know that any response that I write is vulnerable to the corresponding response that goes something like this: until I have studied enough to "play first cello," I can't possibly understand the meaning behind that kind of expertise. I also know that any attempt at this point to describe my religious practices during my development and that of my parents in more detail will potentially be met with the same kind of objections. Having issued these caveats, I feel obliged to speak here for myself and potentially for others who have contacted me regarding your comments. Meaning, deep, moving, spiritually powerful meaning is available many places (something I think you'd agree with)but the main place I suspect we'll differ is my willingness to conside myself Jewish and to derive deep meaning from that Jewishness, but from what you might prefer that I call spirituality, reserving the term "Jewish" for those who play first cello. This is a topic about which many bright people debate and disagree, and it is in this spirit that I respond.

Hi Steven,

I thought your post was quite lovely. Apparantly, Wayne missed the boat on L’dor Vador. What a beautiful concept: connection, meaning, and feeling.

It seems when one mixes ego and God everybody loses. It's a deadly game of Scrabble. I'm finding it safer to believe in dog these days. Far fewer people kill because of overconfidence in thier dogs..

You're a very warm-hearted person as anyone who has been reading your blog can tell, and I'm sorry you had to get crap for absolutely no reason. It REALLY bothers me, actually.

I know it's nice to believe in things, to not feel alone in the universe, to have a clearly-defined purpose, etc, but someday people are going to either through logical or emotional reasoning, come to the conclusion that holding too tightly to their religious beliefs is maladaptive. For the entire species. Read: extinction.

It is paralleled with how maladaptive it is for one to cling to ego. Except that with ego, it is mainly destructive only for the individual, whereas with God-cling, it is destructive for everyone.

Ugggh.....

ANYWAY, back to my original comment I was going to leave and wish I had before Wayne's negativity had to remind me yet again why I need to build a bomb shelter..

Okay, deep breath... Thinking happy thoughts :D

One of my favorte uncles is a stage actor and a Sunday school teacher. He plays a great Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof and has also been playing Santa and the Easter Bunny at a children's hospital for the past 20 years. So, I have a warm place in my heart for mixed holidays.

L’dor Vador,
YG

Dear YG - thanks so much for your comments. Don't build the bomb shelter yet...I have (blind?) faith that we'll work this stuff out. I love the thought of Tevya and Santa as the same actor. I need to better picture Tevya with bunny ears to get the full effect of the third role your very versatile uncle performs. I appreciate your solidarity.

Have a great new year.

Steve