Teaching the twelfth graders in my Sexuality and Society class about love is a daunting task. One main problem in talking about the concept of love is that the word love has too many uses. My students love their sweethearts, their iphones, the pizza that's served in our Dining Hall, and, on some occasions, will even admit to loving their parents and siblings. So, is any of that love? Valentine's Day isn't any help either. There love is equated with gushy sentiment, or hot sex, or pledges of eternity. Is any of that love? How might we talk about love in a way that clarifies its meaning and helps young people figure out whether they're feeling love or not?
One way I've approached this in my classroom is to come at the topic by asking my students to consider three aspects of what might be called love: romance, intimacy, and sex. Romance maximizes the emotional aspects of an act or a relationship. It seeks to create feelings of desire, affection, caring, and "being in love" (that bubbly feeling that softens our heart and allows our own gentleness and tenderness to flow). Intimacy maximizes the connective aspects of an act or relationship. It seeks honesty, openness, closeness, deeper understanding, and connection with a partner. Sex maximizes the physical aspects of an act or relationship. It seeks bodily sensation and pleasure both from and for the partner (and, by the way, this can be accomplished by a lot more than intercourse). Romance joins our hearts; intimacy joins our brains; and sex joins our bodies.
