Last week's post examined the powerful messages of hope and optimism. Sports provides a wonderful forum for teaching our children valuable lessons. There are few things as important to a child's future as hope and optimism, but CAN optimism be learned? If so, HOW?
Martin Seligman developed a classic model of learned optimism that highlights critical factors in developing an optimistic view of life. Specifically, Seligman's theory focuses on the different explanations optimists and pessimists use to explain failure.
Optimists tend to explain failures as a function of factors that are:
1) external (e.g., other people, features of the situation)
2) unstable (e.g., unlikely to happen repeatedly), and
3) specific (e.g., limited to one area of life)
On the other hand, pessimists tend to explain failures as a function of factors that are:
1) internal (e.g., something about themselves)
2) stable (e.g., unlikely to change and become positive at a later time), and
3) global (e.g., likely to happen in several areas of life)
Imagine the young athlete who has just lost a tough competition. After the game, the pessimist might say something along the lines of, "We're terrible. We'll never win again. I'm never on teams that win in any sport, and I never will be!"
The optimist, on the other hand might say something like, "We lost tonight, but we have a lot that we can improve. The other team played better than normal, and not every team I'm on can win every game. We'll be back better next week."
Over the course of the next week which of these two children will be more enthusiastic to work hard, to go to the next practice, to be a positive, motivated teammate, and to trust that things can get better?
It is important that kids (and adults) believe good things will happen to them. Kids need a sense of control within their environment. Children pick up on the pessimistic or optimistic approach to life that their parents have. Children who suffer unpredictable losses in life are more likely to be pessimists, because they come to believe they cannot trust.
So how can we help our children learn optimism? When a child has experienced something negative and appears to be walking the tightrope of pessimism, we can
1) help them see the outcome was not entirely their fault (internal/external)
2) help them recall successes they've had in the past, so they realize this setback is not permanent (stable/unstable), and
3) help them recall the successes they have had in other areas of life (global/specific).
This past week, I was throwing the football around with my son Jack. He dropped three straight passes. He was tired and frustrated, and began complaining, "I'm terrible at catching. I'll never be good at it!" Note Jack's internal and stable attributions (fortunately he didn't add the global attribution that he'll never be good at anything else!).
Instead of trying to talk him out of how he felt, I simply asked him what our record was for consecutive catches. Jack answered 125. I didn't have to say another word - Jack stopped complaining immediately. It was as if this gentle prompt that he has caught many passes in the past convinced and reminded him that he isn't terrible at catching, nor has he been terrible at catching in the past. We continued playing catch and Jack's brief bout with pessimism passed.
By helping our children take an optimistic approach to life, we arm them with one of the strongest tools that they can have to promote resilience, persistence, motivation, and hope. That way, when our kids do get knocked down, learned optimism will give them the ability and strength to get right back up on their own two feet!
