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Motivation
Strawberry Shakes and Skittles
Using rewards to motivate desired behaviors
Posted July 7, 2009
A friend of mine (Mark) has three daughters, all of whom have had very successful athletic and academic careers. Mark's oldest daughter, Mary, was a talented soccer player but reluctant to take the ball away from opponents. Mark tried futilely to convince Mary that it was ok to steal the ball from the other team, that this was a skill and important part of the game. Nothing seemed to work. Even though Mary showed excellent speed and athleticism, Mary was hesitant to put her skills into action during a game, for fear of being perceived as rude or impolite. Amazingly, several years later, Mary was the captain and MVP of a nationally ranked collegiate soccer team.
My older son Jack is a wonderful boy who just turned 7 this week. When he was nearly 3 years old, Jack showed no interest in toilet training. We had tried everything (or so we thought) but Jack seemed to prefer going to the bathroom in his diaper and then asking for us to change it. Even letting him ‘wait' long periods of time to have his diaper changed didn't do the trick. One night, in ten minutes, Jack was successfully and permanently toilet trained!
How did Mary's and Jack's motivation change so dramatically and so quickly? Simple. Strawberry shakes and Skittles.
Mary's dad was an All-American athlete in college and a successful college football coach. He understood the powerful impact that sports can have on a child. However, he had little success explaining to 7-year old Mary about the long-term benefits of discipline, teamwork, and unselfishness. So, he resorted to that all-powerful motivator: A strawberry shake at Dairy Queen. Mark began by offering Mary a treat at DQ if she stole the ball just once during the game. Amazingly, she did it! After the game, they were off to DQ. After a couple games, he increased the standard. Now, Mary had to steal the ball twice to earn her favorite treat at DQ. Then three times. Five times. Ten times. Before long, Mary was running circles around the opponents, stealing the ball and scoring goals in bunches. Her success continued to grow in the classroom and on the soccer field through high school and then college.
Last week we examined one of the risks of rewards - they can dampen intrinsic motivation, particularly in individuals who are already interested in an activity. Mary, on the other hand, had little to no interest in soccer until the opportunity to earn a reward created some interest.
Now let's return to our older son, Jack. He was almost three, beginning preschool in a month, with no interest in the toilet. Of course, Julie and I didn't want him to be the child teased at preschool for wearing a diaper. The natural consequences of a wet diaper weren't working. All our encouraging and cajoling seemed to fall on deaf ears. We were at wit's end.
Finally, one night at dinner, this psychologist who studies intrinsic motivation decided to turn to the most powerful of extrinsic motivators for Jack: Skittles. As we ate, I said to Jack, "Ok, here's the deal. If you go pee in the toilet, you get one Skittle, if you poop in the toilet you get three Skittles."
Jack's eyes widened and he immediately responded by asking, "So if I do both, do I get four Skittles?" (clearly, Jack was quicker with numbers and negotiation than with toilet training). At this point I probably would have offered him a bucket of Skittles, because as far as I could tell, the Minnesota Vikings were even money to win a Super Bowl before Jack became toilet-trained. "Sure," I responded.
A couple minutes went by before Jack asked if he could go to the bathroom. Julie and I looked at each other quizzically. Jack walked out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. Silence......Suddenly, Jack screamed, "I did it! I pooped in the toilet! I pooped in the toilet! I get four Skittles!" I ran to the bathroom to check Jack's work, and sure enough he had gone the bathroom in the toilet. He sprinted past me to the kitchen, counted out his four Skittles, and sat back down at the dinner table, grinning from ear to ear. We all celebrated, cheering and clapping. It was one of those moments for a family that, unless you're there, probably seems quite odd, but to us seemed like a tremendous accomplishment for Jack. Who knew when it would happen again?
Five minutes went by and Jack again got up from the table. "Where are you going?" I asked Jack. "The bathroom," he replied with a grin. I tried to explain that (a) people can generally not go to the bathroom on demand, and (b) people generally do not go the bathroom multiple times in a few minutes. It was no use. He was determined. I heard grunting and groaning come from the bathroom. I hollered to Jack to give it up when suddenly, another scream, "I DID IT AGAIN! I pooped and peed in the toilet again! Four more Skittles!" I ran to the bathroom to make sure Jack was telling the truth. Sure enough, he had gone again.
We repeated the drill of returning to the kitchen table, counting out four Skittles, and resuming dinner. Not two more minutes went by when Jack asked if he could go to the bathroom again. I smiled and said, "Sure." More grunting. More groaning. I peeked around the corner to see Jack's face turning as red as the strawberry shake that used to motivate Mary to play soccer.
Jack looked like he was going to explode. He would not be denied. Fearing for his safety, I tried to get him to stop when I heard, "Ploppp......ploppp......ploppp." Jack screamed in elation. The thrill of victory, or least more Skittles, was his. After eighteen months of showing no interest in toilet training, Jack had been successfully toilet trained in less than ten minutes. He had gone to the bathroom three times in a matter of minutes.
While rewards can be dangerous, they can also be incredibly powerful motivators. Had Mark not used strawberry shakes as incentives for Mary to play more aggressively, she may never have gone on to stardom on the soccer field. More important, she may never have learned important lessons from athletics that serve her well today as a law student. Had Jack not been motivated by Skittles....well, I'd like to think eventually he would have gained interest in toilet-training, but the Skittles certainly expedited the process.
Each one of us has stories of the positives and negatives of rewards. Part of the answer lies in whether an individual is motivated to take part in an activity. As we saw last week, if the answer is ‘yes', rewards can be dangerous. If the answer is ‘no', then a reward may be just what the doctor prescribed. Many of you have emailed me fascinating stories about motivation over the past two weeks of blogs. I invite you to post your comments below in order to start more of a dialogue about the complexities of motivation.
Until next time, may all your goals sail straight through the uprights!
