Girl Gone Sane

For the author it is easy to justify her actions,as well as, that of another woman who bailed out while her husband was fighting over seas(emotionally healthy people don't commit suicide she states). There is no idea here of duty, of patience, of the right thing to do. The author simply puts it as what is she or anyone suppose to do-put their lives on hold? No go ahead, because you are number one. The individual's life is the one that counts for this author, their goals, their happiness rules the day. I think this sums up the U.S. society in a nut shell today and that is- it is all about me.

As a service member myself, I’ve heard countless stories like this and even experienced one first hand. I fully agree that people put themselves above everything else. What happened to commitment, dedication, standing by your man, besides didn’t she know she was married to a man in the military. War can do some crazy thing to people but with time they can return to regular life and learn to deal with their problems. I see Women wanting divorces from their husbands because they can’t handle being alone for a couple of months while they go fight a war. One thing I’ve found out about women and divorce…you will be the last to know until its covenant for them. As for my story: I was in Korea for about 45 days when my ex-wife surprised me with the papers. I later found out she got pregnant by a 50 yr old guy (she was 35), she married him 7 days after the divorce was final. Its been 3 yrs and I still the effects from the past.

How cowardly, heartless, and selfish of the wife to do! Though she isn't the DIRECT cause of her husband's suicide, as it was HIS choice, she WAS the instigator, and he would not have taken his life had she not sent the email. The least she could have done was call him, if possible--guess she was too much of a coward to be more personable with the man she once loved enough to marry. Of course, what she should have done was talk to him about whatever she was dealing with once he returned safely home, and even then, out of respect for what he's been through, she should have waited weeks, months--however long until he seemed settled in and had recovered to any extent from what he'd been through. You owe it to your spouse to put him first, just as he should be putting you first, and this rule can only apply more with a military husband.

Yes, I am being highly critical of a situation I've never been in myself, but I can assure you of one thing: I would never have done what that soldier's wife did. I'm not that selfish. I have the utmost respect for soldiers, and I don't care if he was gone for months--I would have remained supportive and faithful. All soldiers need is more burden in the midst of war and making daily sacrifices for our country--including for their families. I'd be proud to be a military wife--who wouldn't be?

I don't care about the wife's reasons for sending the email. She shouldn't have, and she probably knew it and went ahead anyway because it was convenient and easy for her, hence my calling her selfish.

To all the men and women who've served our military or are doing so today: THANK YOU. YOU ARE APPRECIATED AND SUPPORTED! Your job is to do what many of us do not have the courage and selflessness to. You should be very proud of yourselves.

And to the serviceman who commented above: I'm very sorry. If one good thing can be taken away from your situation, it's this: you found out the true character of your spouse and can now find someone who will reciprocate the devotion you deserve. Thank you for serving our country!

--Caroline, proud American

And my rant goes on...

While I can't say I respect the author's opinion, I can say she's entitled to her own conclusion, but I have to very strongly disagree. This article goes against the founding beliefs of this country, which I admit many of us are no longer honoring. But there are still good people out their with straight moral compasses.

The story isn't about blame--it's about the level of respect, commitment, devotion, and fidelity all spouses deserve from each other. The wife described in this article denied her husband--her MILITARY husband, at that--the things a wife owes a husband, and a husband owes a wife. I'm fifteen and I can comprehend that. Why couldn't this wife? I guess it's hard to see other people's needs when you only have eyes for your own.

"Should it mean that the spouse or significant other at home should put their lives on hold for years, even though they no longer want a relationship with the soldier? And won't it be just as devastating to hear the news when they return home?"

Yes, it does mean your "life gets put on hold," but any wife who truly loves her husband does not see it this way, I would hope. She sees it as being where she needs to be considering she is supposed to be the lifelong partner of her husband. Soldiers, I imagine, absolutely need support from home. Why wouldn't you happily give it?

Where have the virtues of commitment, devotion, respect, and putting others first gone? It's not about you as an individual, as a wife or husband. It's about you as a part of something greater with your spouse: a marriage, one that is supposed to last forever. There is no "mine" and "yours," only "ours." You don't look at problems relative to yourself and come up with solutions with only yourself in mind. That's the epitome of self-interest, of which I see this wife as the figurehead.

And yes, hearing the news will be devastating no matter what, but the author of this article surely doesn't lack the common sense to not know hearing the news overseas and not face-to-face will be more crushing than at home and in-person. That's poor reasoning dreamed up to justify the wife's actions, which are unjustifiable.

P.S.--this article could use a little editing from a grammatical standpoint.

--Caroline

"...emotionally healthy people do not commit suicide, and that many people hide their suicidal intentions because of the shame they feel. This soldier had issues he was struggling with, issues he kept hidden and cannot be blamed on his wife. What's so sad is he did not receive the help he needed."

So the author believes the soldier would have been severely depressed and would have had suicidal tendencies regardless of whether his wife decided to end the relationship via a Dear John email while he was still stationed in the Middle East? There is no correlation between the two events? The soldier was a "broken" (so to speak) individual who was depression-bound from the get-go? I don't think so. Yes, I imagine war is unbelievably traumatic, but not all individuals will deal with depression upon arriving home, and if they do, not all of them will be helpless and turn to suicide. There is no basis for calling this soldier "emotionally unhealthy"--it's rather insulting, actually, to label what the soldier's love for his wife drove him to do nothing but a side effect of a pre-existing psychological problem.

"The help he needed"? All he needed was a decent wife. Soldiers must give up so much. Why take away from them one of the last things they can cling to--the emotional support provided by family?

The selfish women of this country are going to be in for a rude awakening when the men wake up from their naivete and realize that they are no longer worth fighting for.

Ms. Krane,

No matter how many shrinks have told you it is not your fault, deep down you know that you share responsibility for your husbands death through your weakness, faithlessness, and selfishness. I dont know what happened to your husband, but if this is the sort of advice you give to a woman whose husband is risking his life daily for her overseas, it is not much of a stretch to assume that you were weak, disloyal, and selfish in your marriage. The fact that you have now made a career out of giving other women the "strength" to destroy and rot their husbands' souls without guilt or remorse is shameful and disgusting beyond words. I am a young man and men of my generation are slowly waking up to what women are doing to men in this country. From drugging young boys into submission with adderral when they show a hint of masculinity, to slutting around on husbands because you feel "unfulfilled," and then taking away our children in divorce court, we know what you are doing. Your daughters and granddaughters are not going to be dealing with the same naive chumps that women like you have manipulated your whole lives. The intelligent young men of today will no longer risk their lives or work hard in a miserable job day in and day out for a woman who knows nothing of loyalty and has been screwed by everyone in town. One day you will need us again and we will be gone. Those of us that are left will tell you to go to hell.

"I am a young man and men of my generation are slowly waking up to what women are doing to men in this country."
I hope you haven't had such horrible experiences that you think ALL women fit the description you wrote in your comment. There are plenty of good women out there, you know. I'm Caroline, the one who submitted the three comments on October 3 above. I think we see eye to eye and I am indeed female. Don't be naive, no, but don't be so faithless or cynical that you shut out the possibility of meeting decent women.